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Bertha Poems - Poems about Bertha

Bejeweled Bertha

Bejeweled Bertha can dive into any pond
Flipping back to the surface with rare jewels on
She sometimes finds emeralds, once she found gold
Her necklace today of pearls looks like antiques, oh so old.

Bejeweled Bertha’s family is full of magical beasts.
Some can conjure up the most scrumptious delicious feasts.
One uncle can go down into a cave and

Categories: bertha, character,
Form: Rhyme

Big Burpin' Bertha

Big Burpin’ Bertha had terrible gas!
She wondered why no one would give her a pass
And when she would bend
Well, let’s not pretend
A mass of that gas would trespass, oh how crass!


 Dedicated to Jan Allison
                  The Gas Expert

Categories: bertha, fun, humor,
Form: Limerick

Big Bertha

Big busty Bertha was at the business luncheon,
with everyone talking business and munching,
suddenly she let out a big sneeze,
everyone thought it was a striptease,
when in fact it was just a wardrobe malfunction.

Categories: bertha, business, food, humor,
Form: Limerick

Book: Radiant Verses: A Journey Through Inspiring Poetry

Black Pearl Pirate Ship Versus Hurricane Bertha

Black Pearl Pirate Ship versus Hurricane Bertha
August 9th 2014.

Liverpool was a mighty port
New Brighton stood by Perch Rock Fort
The Black Pearl sat on Wirral sands and stone
And against Hurricane Bertha stood alone
Bertha howled and shrieked anew
A massive wind that blew and blew
Waves and tides lashed at Black Pearl 
But could not unseat this ungainly girl
Her

Categories: bertha, adventure, boat, children, community,
Form: Narrative

Methane Bertha

Her name was Methane Bertha
And if you met you'd know why
There's always a southern wind blowing
Everyone she meets holds their nose
And then says goodbye.

She eats nothing but sprouts coffee and beans
She has a massive deriaire and isn't very clean
Bertha once had a date
At last it was her fate
But it's so hard to kiss someone
With a

Categories: bertha, character, crazy, funny, howl,
Form: Free verse

The Secret Life of Buxom Bertha

The Secret Life of Buxom Bertha

By Elton Camp

Bertha’s nineteen she always will mention
She certainly know how to get attention

She goes to pick-up sites every day
There, her many charms to display

Her enticing measurements she’ll share
To tell her astonishing libido does dare

“Oh, John, I just can’t wait to meet you.
Please tell me everything you’d do!”

She knows exactly

Categories: bertha, humor,
Form: Rhyme

Big Bertha and the Diet Pills

Big Bertha and the Diet Pills

By Elton Camp

Bertha, her figure came to hate
So she resolved to lose weight

For advice, Susan she went to see
“These diet pills really helped me”

“They’re what Weight Watchers use
So many colors from which to choose”

“The letters WW will clearly identify.
These are something you should try.”

Bertha took a dozen of the pills

Categories: bertha, humorous,
Form: Rhyme

Bertha

Bertha

Bertha who had a cute little nose
one day at the beach took off her clothes.
Her mother said “Bertha!
“get dressed or I’ll hurt ya.”
Bertha just five, could care less what showed. 


©Kathryn McLoughlin Collins

Categories: bertha, childhood, children, , cute,
Form: Limerick

"colored" Women Called Bertha

Why do people associate the name Bertha with a "colored" woman?
Is it the strut,
or the way she carries herself?
Or is it just the mischief of demonic elves?
Caucasioan women are confident with their well
endowed selves,
Many would try to augment their shape,
Yet, they never get labeled with words like "ape",
or rarely get called Bertha,
So why is it

Categories: bertha, politicalwomen, women,
Form: Prose Poetry

Bertha Had a Little Lamb

Bertha had a little lamb
That was Mary's sister
And everywhere that Mary went
Bertha often missed her

See Mary was the oldest child
And Bertha well she wasn't
And Mary understands her sheep
But poor old Bertha doesn't

So Bertha had a little lamb
Its fleece was black as coal
And everywhere that Bertha went
She just wouldn't let him go

See Bertha was the black

Categories: bertha, funnygirl,
Form: Rhyme

Bertha Bea

Bertha Bea
Barbara Bathwork
will not do her 
homework
because she
wants to do nothing
but play all
day and not sleep
at night either.
So do not even 
bother her for
eternity.

Categories: bertha, childhood
Form: Rhyme