Humorous Ballad Poems

I’ve been sitting here so long,
My butts getting numb,
So I jump right up
And stick out my thumb.

He comes rolling down the street,
With the only smell...

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Some don’t notice that I’m truly fruity
They’ll often add salt, like that’s their duty
Juicy and ripe to my core
Sweeter than you might ask for
I’m sure...

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was once a dance hall girl named big Lu
she made men feel happy too
had an ache? she knew what to do
she worked in a saloon...

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I'm an orange monkey
in China I was made,
stitched with much affection
and garlanded with braid.

Purchased then on eBay
and wrapped to make a gift,
I was posted to...

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Is there anybody out there 
Going to listen to my story 
It's all about a girl 
Who ran away
 
She changed her name from Lorie...

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Poor does not mature, withers...
      Does not do plastic operation, just pull.
     Poor is not immortal,...

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I am windy the great I am
Windy the great I am, I am
to be buried in the toilet next door
 I got out and gassed...

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I hear them singing,                                           ...

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Sunburnt Country

I love a sunburnt Aussie bloke, with great big, muscled arms,
His rugged well-built shoulders, and face with all its charms.
I love his thongs and...

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imagine me
upon his knee

a little child so meek and mild
thrilled to visit our dear Santa
in the heart of old Atlanta
such a precocious little child

thrilled to...

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Between Sundays and the week to come,
it’s Thursday wondering where the days have gone.
The flow of tick tocking the passing through,
when the rushing of the...

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I don't need vinyl siding or great long distance rates.
I don't need health insurance or trips to distant states.
I don't need what you're selling, so...

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There’s a Virus

There’s a virus! Let’s go mental quick
Lock up your valuables they might get sick
There’s a virus! The media’s gone crazy
You'll lose your hair...

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I remember you smiling 
A smile that was so beguiling 
And how the laughter for us all
Was belly aching and not at all small

Laughter lines...

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I imagine little house on the prairie
(bordering Lake Woebegone),
a place to hang cloak
most bucolic, edenic, idyllic...
apropos place for this poetic cowpoke,

who at present day trumpets
himself...

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