Baddie Poems


I Guess I Failed to Stimulate Her Chakras

I don’t dream often, but I dream of Jeanie,
the only one who ever touched my Nadi.
I met her bathing in the Irrawaddy.
You’d classify her as an in-betweenie,
but looking pretty hot in that bikini!
She got me going when she called me ‘daddy’!
Jean self-identified as “thorough baddie,”
but never let me see her Kundalini.

I couldn’t leave her working in that paddy,
so whisked her off to Venice.  Like Houdini,
she made the transformation: loved linguini:
but part-time jobs (a waiter, then a caddy)
meant I could not afford her. One bellini
cost forty bucks! Forget the Lamborghini!
Categories: baddie, lost love,
Form: Sonnet

who's 'fraid of poems?

who's 'fraid of poems?
not I, I said. Then again,
who's 'fraid of poems?
Categories: baddie, art,
Form: Haiku


Dime Bag Days

Take me back to the dime bag days
     when we were hotel hippies, 
thirsty for trouble and stuck in a state 
     of delirium.

Our souls were scattered messes
     among the unbent hills - 
dreaming of rebellion and freedom,
     pockets empty, heart's empty 

Having no sense of direction and 
     craving toxicity like it is a 
natural remedy. We were walking
     disasters, baddie two shoes.
Categories: baddie, addiction,
Form: Free verse

Superman

SUPERMAN?

“POW!; “SPLATT!” say the speech bubbles
In the Superman cartoon
As our hero zaps the baddie
And zooms off round the moon.

>b>Tick tock goes the clock
As he swishes through the air.
And the hands have scarcelyticked a tock
Before he’s back standing there.

But when exposed to Kryptonite,
He loses his powers again.
Coughing and spluttering, sneezing atishoo,
Weak in the arms of Lois Lane.

With the Kryptonite safely removed,
He sighs and jumps up from the floor.
Then he’s off to save the world again
And POW and SPLATT once more

6th July 2021
Omomatopoeic poetry contest
Sponsor - Emile Pinet
Categories: baddie, onomatopoeia,
Form: Rhyme

Any Excuse

Any excuse to have a go
At you I will use it, I am 
The good guy (despite using
Verbal abuse), and you are
The bad guy; as I remember 
That time you made a mistake,
Baddie, baddie, baddie,
My anger is not fake;

You move that chair
You put steak in the freezer
You use air
You are not a believer 
You are you

And that, is the problem.
Categories: baddie, abuse, anger,
Form: Rhyme


Premium MemberBeer Goggles

There’s young girls and women
All frantically slimming
Perhaps they’re all seeking a mate

But blokes around here
Full of burgers and beer
Are ugly or well overweight

They wear their beer goggles
And when their mind boggles
They ask some old trout on a date

One snuck down an ally
With hideous Sally
Who offered herself on a plate

He fell off the wagon
And entered the dragon
Which meant a lot more than a date

She soon had a grumble
About that drunk fumble
‘You should have been careful... I’m late!’

That drunk was no baddie 
But now he’s a daddy
He wasn’t expecting that fate

But fellas who wink
As they swig down a drink
Make dads who will soon abdicate

So put down your salad
For this is no ballad
And the blokes around here ain’t that great
Categories: baddie, drink,
Form: Rhyme

Premium MemberAnother Five

THE ARTIST 

An artist from the city of Rangoon
Wanted to paint the crater's of the moon 
Packed canvas, brush and paint
Told his wife who did faint
Then he took off in a hot air balloon.

THE SCIENTIST

A bright scientist who worked at the zoo
Thought in genetics he'd make a breakthrough
Mixed some bovine
With some feline
And now all the lions at the zoo roar moo.

CLIFF

A young butcher from New York called Cliff
Checked cold storage cos of a strong whiff
He then opened the lock
Forgot to use the chock
The next morning they found him quite stiff.

THE SHERIFF

Then there was the old sheriff of SouthPaw
Went up the hills to arrest an outlaw
It wasn't the sheriff's day
Cos the baddie got away
Shouted" up yours old sheriff and yee haw".

FREDDY

A womaniser called Freddy from Fife
Was caught out by his long suffering wife
Of course he denied
"You liar" she cried 
And while he slept took  revenge with a knife.


Written 6th July 2019.
Categories: baddie, humor,
Form: Limerick

Another Day In Paradox

I look about this merry gloom
Thoughtless, fat and slim.
Remembering but half a tune
I'd lost my will to win.

'Give up thy Eric Idle, son.'
I heard a whisper mutter.
And sitting up inside my head
Knew this was not a stutter.

'Are you the reepher with a grin?'
I asked, which pleased him so.
'The one without a duffel chin
And klinkers to and fro?'

'Indeed I am that very sole
That fishes in the deep.
I've come to Clam you half or whole
And Cod your wife to weep.'

'Ah-ha! You baddie bootleg bloke.
I've seen you as a lad.
You took my Granny up in smoke
For only half a drag.'

'Def Albert and his weeping nose
You took him there as well.
To where God only heaven knows
It's really hard to tell.'

'Perhaps, not now, or yet at least.
At most, not in a bit,
Be gentle, like a gentle beast
And sit a while in sit.'
Categories: baddie, funny, hilarious, humor, nonsense,
Form: Rhyme

Dancing Clouds - Cloud Contest

Clouds beautifully, float by with grace
Like a whisper floating in the breeze
Twisting like lovers in an embrace
They hide the sun as if to tease
A ballet of meringue aiming to please.

As if on time the heavier clouds appear
Like  the baddie  in any musical show
Pushing the dainty clouds creating a tear
Who then cry gently on the watchers below
As nature creates a beautiful rainbow .
Categories: baddie, dance, sky,
Form: Quintain (English)

Human O' War

What did you do in the war daddy?
Where did you fight, and who did you kill?
Were you a goody, or were you a baddie?
Did you join up against your will?

Or did you join to fight for pleasure,
to get a licence to take any life?
Was the body count how you would measure,
your success in the merciless strife?

Yes were you one who thought it such fun,
to shoot other human beings dead?
Did the power trip of carrying a gun,
drive all sense and reason from your head?

Perhaps the training you were given,
changed every point of view you held before.
Yes, all humanity from within you, driven,
to turn you into a dog of war.

And now you're home with your war ended,
will you settle into family life once more?
With all your nightmares and reality blended,
what does our future have in store?
Categories: baddie, death, father, political, war,
Form: Rhyme

Leprechaun

Leprechaun

The Leprechaun sprung from the corn,
said "me name is Paddy,
Dontcha be looking all forlorn,
I aint a real gone baddie,"

"For me pot of gold, sell ya soul,
Needing it quite badly,"
"Egg sucking leaves me cold,
Specially when their addley,"

"Sign this deed ya little nasty weed,
Gives me ya souls proxy,"
Arfur sidestepped to buggery, indeed,
poor  leprechaun, crotchety….


Sponsor Debbie Guzzi Contest Name Creepy Irish Creatures
Categories: baddie, adventure, me, me,
Form: Ballad

"a In Between" 52508

nice little things~
good little things
that go please
in the light

 bad little things~
wrong little things
that go taking
in the night

 only the righteous~
only the bad
who is left in between

because good little things
can't see with out
a night light

and the bad little things
always go bump in the night

so what a in between to do
but make the devils come
after you

its been fun now
i must go
and hell awaits you
so you must
be on your away
there will be penances to pay

and you may ask
who might i be
and i only can say
a in between

maybe a goodie
not real a baddie
but a pushier of
sins just the same

 and what will my father
do when you reach
your laid out place
why not one little thing
you may your only
little heated fiery place
by
just the little bad things
you do

so ta-ta
i can't say its be fun
but i can say
were your going
you will have lots
of fire to light your way~
and think
of all the little bad things
 you've done~

by:lyricvixen
Categories: baddie, black african american, death,
Form: Dramatic Verse
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