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You Take My Breath Away

Seductive verses written with strong attraction, you take my breath away, lingering kisses beyond Venus, loves distraction, you take my breath away. Passionate intentions between two loving souls can last forever and a day, you are my everything and that is only a fraction, you take my breath away. Unleash my desires swaying to our song, please promise to always stay, sweep me off my feet, while we create interaction, you take my breath away. We can create a steamy island with palm trees and become castaways, intense devotion brought from strong satisfaction, you take my breath away. My olive skin started glowing under the stars, there are no words to convey, you long for the treasures in my secret contraction, you take my breath away. Date Written: March 16, 2016 For the contest, Second Chance II, Sponsor, Broken Wings

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Pashang Salehi

Date: 8/4/2016 10:10:00 PM

Well done Laura...

Sandra Haight

Date: 4/17/2016 3:48:00 PM

Hi Laura, congratulations on your First Place win in the second chance contest! Hugs, Sandra

Lu Loo
Date: 4/18/2016 8:21:00 AM

thank you Sandra :)-luloo

Vladislav Raven

Date: 3/29/2016 5:59:00 PM

Hi Luloo, an excellent write as always. Beauty and passion flow together in your wonderful words painting vivid images on the canvas. A most creative write my friend. A seven and into my faves....Mike.

Vladislav Raven
Date: 4/3/2016 7:58:00 PM

Hi Luloo, no need to apologise at all. I have so many comments i still have to reply to, you wouldn't believe me if i told you how many. I can let myself get overwhelmed. You never have to aplogize to me my friend. Hugs....Mike.

Lu Loo
Date: 4/3/2016 7:54:00 PM

I just saw this I apologize! Thank you very much:)-luloo

Jan Allison

Date: 3/27/2016 2:21:00 PM

this is so so beautiful LuLoo congrats on your win:-) hugs jan xx

Lu Loo
Date: 3/27/2016 6:07:00 PM

Thank you Lady, hope all is well with you!! :)-luloo

Joseph May

Date: 3/27/2016 12:04:00 PM

Congrats on your win Luloo

Lu Loo
Date: 3/27/2016 12:35:00 PM

thank you, -luloo

James Inman

Date: 3/27/2016 9:37:00 AM

Laura, though your line syllable count is long compared to others (not meant as a negative, the flow is good) the content of your ghazal in my opinion best defines the form of all that I have read. It is meant to be a poem of attraction to entice a prospective mate (the reason for adding your name). Most of them seem darker, including mine. I really enjoyed yours.

Lu Loo
Date: 3/27/2016 12:35:00 PM

Thank you James. Yeah I figured it was too many syllables! lol But I went for it anyways because I liked how it turned out. Thank you for your kind words regarding my poem. I thought it was good enough, but it's only one contest :)-thanks -luloo

Rizwana Bhurani

Date: 3/27/2016 4:48:00 AM

Passionate...rhythmic....congratulations

Brian Davey

Date: 3/27/2016 2:10:00 AM

Very well done Laura and congrats on your placement!

Timothy Hicks

Date: 3/27/2016 12:17:00 AM

Congrats on HM, Marie (I mean Laura Loo)! This was a tough call for me, because I tend to be drawn more towards the shorter ghazals (syllable wise) ... but there was also a lot of great poetic language in this one, so I had to add it to my list. My favorite part was "you are my everything and that is only a fraction," ... lovely, and like Andrea said below me ... you certainly put a lot of effort into this one. Thanks for participating and hope you enjoyed trying out the ghazal form :)

Lu Loo
Date: 3/27/2016 12:41:00 PM

Yes, my middle name is Marie, and I thought that would be the best thing to do per your instructions. Yes I worked hard on this. Sorry it was too many syllables but I do agree with you it did have a lot of great poetic language.

Lu Loo
Date: 3/27/2016 12:36:00 PM

thanks -luloo

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 3/17/2016 6:35:00 PM

Oh is Marie one of your names? How pretty this is, Laura. I see you worked very hard on this one. I finally did one too (not posted yet). It looked fine, but I don't think it was necessary to rhyme the end line of each couplet together. I will have to double check that rule in case I did it wrong!! Good luck in the contest with your super ghazal.

Lu Loo
Date: 3/17/2016 6:40:00 PM

Marie is my middle name. lol It isn't necessary to rhyme the end of each couplet, I just wanted to add a little more rhyme. I asked Tim he said it was ok to do that. :)-Thanks Andrea :)-luloo