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White Wing

Wings of fear flutter nightly in my heart, a terror-taunt haunt that whittles my thought; the brutish fist bruise-blackening heart-art - my past-smashed man, wars in your head thought-fought. The confidence you chip and slow-whittle; brittle wing-white bone china hurled to smash; a daily rage rampage to belittle - sobbed scream-spittle, word-slap, jaw-smack, door crash. Storm clouds of bruises gathering on skin; a slow-strangle noose of words that slow-kill, the red pain-petals falling in slow-spin. But I loved you then and I love you still... Forgiveness sings to your acid-word sting and brushes your soul with a dove's white wing. *Contemporary sonnet

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Peter Dome

Date: 3/12/2024 5:20:00 PM

Love this. So well put. The last line is also brilliant. Well done. Pete.

Charles Messina

Date: 1/4/2024 3:36:00 AM

I absolutely love this, Charlotte. (check your soup mail) Congratulations on your 1st place win in my contest. Charlie :)

Yolanda Nicholsen

Date: 12/30/2023 12:34:00 PM

Lovely write enjoyed reading your work have a blessed new year.

Hiya Sharma

Date: 12/24/2023 9:18:00 AM

Dear Charlotte, this is such a deep and poignant write that stirs the soul in so many ways. There's a sense of anguish here after suffering with a heart-wrenching suppression. But as your poem brought distilled hues of forgiveness, ah, it combined it all in such a profound manner. I agree, forgiveness is truly important for our own healing, so that we can rise above with resilience.. An impeccably crafted sonnet, with stunning haiku and monoku.. Sending you light!

Linda Alice Fowler

Date: 12/20/2023 9:49:00 AM

What a brutish way to live Charlotte - so thankful for your strength. "brittle wing-white bone china hurled to smash" and "the red pain-petals falling in slow-spin" - nice contrast. Love the internal rhyming and the form! Excellent! :)

Tom Woody

Date: 12/17/2023 2:24:00 PM

The sad lot of many an abusee, forgiving over and over until... Nice poem and of course, you're a rules rebel when it comes to forms. It suits you

Charlotte Puddifoot
Date: 12/18/2023 9:58:00 AM

i got out of it though..i'm a rules rebel in many ways not just forms lol but with modern sonnets i think they should have at least one aspect of traditional, otherwise they're really just 14 lines of free verse

I Am Anaya

Date: 12/17/2023 1:45:00 PM

Two ku from your sonnet, raw and sizzling. Love can be tormenting yes. Wonderfully executed, Charlotte. A great entry! Anaya soupmail :)

Sotto Poet

Date: 12/17/2023 6:56:00 AM

Wonderful poem left me stunned. Your authentic style of expression is amazing and your genuine diction conveys profound emotions. Many thanks for the insightful comments on my page.

Paul Bell

Date: 12/17/2023 5:17:00 AM

I'm never sure if forgiveness is more powerful than hate. I'm sure it is, but it must take a lot of strength. I suppose the old adage, you never know what happens behind closed doors, has never been truer.

Charlotte Puddifoot
Date: 12/17/2023 5:22:00 AM

i think forgiveness is more powerful than hate, because forgiveness can heal hate..but yeah, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors...

Sara Etgen-Baker

Date: 12/16/2023 5:39:00 PM

I'm breathless and speechless...your poetic voice is outstanding as you describe a tumultuous situation/relationship. I love the reference to forgiveness like a dove's white wing. Exquisite! Enjoy your evening, Sara

Silent One

Date: 12/16/2023 3:38:00 PM

Nicely done Charlotte... you created the two ku from your sonnet very well

Paige Hind

Date: 12/16/2023 3:13:00 PM

This gift is true- you. The whole thing made me speechless. You have such an authentic way of expressing yourself, such deep emotions conveyed in your raw words, but at the end- forgiveness....love the monoku especially. Pain can be "a white wing" even if pain "stings"- true soulful writing.