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When You Wear a Dirty Shirt

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This is intended with some humor attached. No offense is meant, nor are any slights or slatherings-on of impugnment. It's really prose, or free verse, and certainly "light verse" because of the humorous intent. But you can't choose more than one "form of poetry" option, even though there are enough options to choke all the employees in a doggone basketball factory.

When you wear a dirty shirt, You're a book getting judged by its cover. People think you're really poor, or nutty, Or that you have a menial job. Or that you're all three of those, And then they throw in a bunch of other things too. Maybe you're a drug addict, living rough, Or a drug dealer, uncaring about the law and common decency, Existing on the margins of society. Maybe you're just a doggone slob. Maybe you have some disease. But maybe you just got the darn thing really dirty, Like dirty where there's no coming back from it. No detergent will get it all out, but then at least you don't smell bad. Maybe you came up against something ferociously, savagely dirty, Like the underside of a semi-truck trailer, Where there is a wicked layer of grease that's attracted Enough dirt to choke an entire basketball team. Not that basketball players are all that acclaimed as dirt-eaters, And you won't find most people messing about underneath semi-truck trailers, But I've done it because once in a while I drive a big truck for my employer, And when you unhook the trailer from the tractor, You have to pull the pin on the 'fifth wheel' - That's what holds the trailer to the tractor. You have to bend down low and reach in, under the front of the trailer, And that's where all that nasty dirty grease is - I mean, let me tell you - you might not even feel it, But there could be a mark on you like somebody took a wide paintbrush, Soaked in thick black paint, and just gave you a good swipe with it. Your shoulder or back could have the Mark of Cain on it, dude.... Or dudette, no sexism here, and speaking of that, There is an epidemic of people out there who need to put down their toys, And just drive their darn vehicles. Not being sexist here - it's both males and females, though it's mostly from ages 15 to 30. I mean, if you are in that age group, then there is one big honkin' chance That you are texting while you're supposed to be driving. When you drive a big truck, you see right down into all those other vehicles, You see what's going on, and they are swerving all over the darn place, And slowing down and speeding up because they can't even manage to do two things at once, And let me tell you, sports fans, it's pretty doggone irritating. Makes you want to choke them with dirt, no basketball texts required. Let's say it's one of those prissy, fancy, "society girl" types, Who spends enough money on makeup and clothes to choke a third-world country. Would be nice to raise the temperature of that cell phone up - to 500 degrees or so, really give her a surprise, or magically trade shirts with her - Suddenly she's got your filthy one on, and you've got hers on, But that wouldn't work too well for me, because then with my luck There would be some poor guy standing right in front of me, And the buttons would be popping of the girl's blouse, I mean exploding off there like death hornet projectiles Because I'm way bigger than that girl, and the poor bugger Gets his eyes put out by the buttons, ends up blind, And can't coach basketball very well any more. So.... So there....

Copyright © | Year Posted 2016




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Date: 7/30/2022 11:04:00 PM
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Date: 4/18/2017 6:09:00 AM
Good Morning Doug. Have a seat and let me ramble for a moment. You say humor. Yes, however I also see a beautiful side and a most true to life side to your words as well. That so called dirty shirt can have different reasons but the reason I see is the man working hard to pay his way with no one seeing or taking the time to understand. Your entry is exceptionally expressed with much attention to detail. Honestly. Well done in its entirety. PS "so there".
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Doug Vinson
Date: 4/18/2017 7:31:00 AM
Ya got me. ; )
Date: 12/4/2016 3:33:00 AM
Nice funny write without giving too much away too early. :)
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/4/2016 9:11:00 AM
I think lots of times the author doesn't know where things will go...
Date: 12/2/2016 7:42:00 PM
Hi Doug, I enjoyed this piece. It all boils down to judging a book by it's cover . Open the book for goodness sake! Congratulations on getting the poem of the day. It was well deserved: -) Alexis
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/2/2016 10:27:00 PM
Hi Alexis. Thank you. : ) You're right, but it's so easy to not open the book, and I confess to having been mighty slack on this at times.
Date: 12/2/2016 2:14:00 PM
So many instances in real life on how a shirt could become dirty. Congrats on making POTD. Thanks for sharing, RP.
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/2/2016 2:26:00 PM
Pinnacle of the Dingleberries. They'll never take me alive!
Date: 12/2/2016 10:50:00 AM
This is one cool rant, er, I mean poem, Doug. I love how it continually devolves, like dire going down the drain. Congrats for the POTD. Keep on deconstructing the foibles ... Lord knows we have a lot of them. Excellent write, my poetic friend. Love and peace to you. RW
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/2/2016 12:39:00 PM
Thank you, Reverend RW! Have to laugh - that's exactly what it is - deconstruction. Maybe a descent into madness - who knows? : )
Date: 12/2/2016 9:26:00 AM
Wow, all that from a dirty shirt! This is indeed a fun write. Also congrats on POTD.
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/2/2016 9:35:00 AM
Gracias, Richard. Yes, let me tell you, I had to work to get to the point of total disgrace. ; )
Date: 12/2/2016 9:19:00 AM
A little Edith Ann'ish (Lily Tomlin), congratulations Doug for POTD honors...
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/2/2016 9:32:00 AM
Thank you, Charlie. Maybe we should all get a little potted....
Date: 12/2/2016 7:19:00 AM
Quite the write!
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/2/2016 9:31:00 AM
Hey Mike. Thanks - maybe I will practice my dribbling.
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/2/2016 9:27:00 AM
Hi Agnes. : ) It was fun to write. It's funny - I slave and agonize over some poems, trying to get all the rhymes and emphasis and syllables right - and here I was just trying to be stupid and funny and it gets a lot of comments....
Date: 12/2/2016 7:03:00 AM
Congrats on POTD, Doug. I like the rambling stream-of-consciousness feeling of your poem, well done. (And you're right about the dirty shirt thing.)
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/2/2016 9:27:00 AM
Hi Agnes. : ) It was fun to write. It's funny - I slave and agonize over some poems, trying to get all the rhymes and emphasis and syllables right - and here I was just trying to be stupid and funny and it gets a lot of comments....
Date: 12/2/2016 2:51:00 AM
I just like this story, both funny and true. I often wear ragged shirts and I have got, let's just say a pretty decent education. My kids raised in the Welsh countryside were looked upon on as 'poor relations', when wandering the streets of Blankenese (worth a google, it is in Hamburg, Germany) hand me downs worn with pride? Now I live in Joburg and amy her are either superrich or ragged and smelly. Real world kind of stuff.- You wrote a very good poem and straight to my heart. Wishes, Kai
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/2/2016 9:13:00 AM
Right on, Kai. : ) It was fun to write.
Date: 12/2/2016 1:28:00 AM
I watch NBA games and play basketball as well hehehe... Congrats on being selected for the day....
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/2/2016 1:54:00 AM
Hey Bernard. I played a little basketball, but was never that good at dribbling or ball-handling in general. I could shoot pretty well, and could almost dunk the ball - oh it was SO close - my fingers 4 or 5 inches (10 to 13 centimeters) above the rim, but just not quite there. And now (have to laugh) that ship has certainly sailed. Cheers, : ) Doug
Date: 12/1/2016 10:02:00 PM
I dig the stream of opinion. I love how this poem begins as well as how you continue to bellow to the end. Thank you for sharing. -- Wesley C
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/2/2016 1:51:00 AM
Hi Wesley. Thanks, man - and hope to see more of your poems too.
Date: 12/1/2016 8:08:00 PM
By the way, my hubbie wears dirty shirts all the time because he is working with his hands or driving a truck. So embarrassing sometimes to walk into a store with him
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Date: 12/1/2016 8:07:00 PM
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS, Doug. the stream of thought is wild but at the same time it has cohesion!! That is what I love about it. Your ability to seem chaotic and yet you do not deviate from the theme and its humor. Awesome job. A FAVE
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/1/2016 8:22:00 PM
Wow, Andrea, thank you - that is such a kind comment; one of the best I've ever gotten. At the risk of sounding prideful/pompous, there is a lot more where that came from.
Date: 12/1/2016 6:17:00 PM
Well, Doug, I'm guessing that someone had to get up in a hurry and couldn't see whose shirt it was and by mistake picked up the wrong one and accidently popped the eye of the coach while the coach was laughing over the fact they were wearing a girl's blouse :) very cute write. Hugs Eve
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/1/2016 7:56:00 PM
Geez.... I think the coach is screwed, either way... : p Thank you, Eve. : )
Date: 12/1/2016 4:39:00 PM
Oh my Oh my! This did have a good dose of humor and I was fascinated by all the different places you took me with this write. :)
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/1/2016 5:11:00 PM
Thank you, Eileen. Here's to our travels. : ) Cheers!
Date: 12/1/2016 3:10:00 PM
You have a dirty mind...I mean shirt...loo
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/1/2016 3:35:00 PM
No lack of dirt here, Tim. : )
Date: 12/1/2016 11:23:00 AM
what a wild ride! i have to say, though, that you had me totally engrossed until the end and i was very glad i got on board...
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/2/2016 9:22:00 AM
I too wondered why those guys are always so tall, so I asked a shortstop. He was quite self-effacing, and with good humor he said that the Creator (not the Kirk one, from the first Star Trek movie) had people grow until they're perfect, and thus short people didn't take as long to reach perfection.
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/2/2016 1:48:00 AM
Okay, PoetrySoup's "Reply" thing has gone nuts. :: looking down....::
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/1/2016 12:02:00 PM
Thank you, Ilene. I often like things that are funny simply because they are so stupid. Combine that with some sort of weird gravitas, and it's like Nietzsche said, "if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/1/2016 12:01:00 PM
Thank you, Ilene. I often like things that are funny simply because they are so stupid. Combine that with some sort of weird gravitas, and it's like Nietzsche said, "if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/1/2016 11:33:00 AM
Thank you, Ilene. I often like things that are funny simply because they are so stupid. Combine that with some sort of weird gravitas, and it's like Nietzsche said, "if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."
Date: 12/1/2016 10:23:00 AM
This is crazy, wild and a home run out of the park, over the cross street, across the next block, beyond the dollar store and rolling to a stop at the 7-11, good.
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/2/2016 9:25:00 AM
I too wondered why those guys are always so tall, so I asked a shortstop. He was quite self-effacing, and with good humor he said that the Creator (not the Kirk one, from the first Star Trek movie) had people grow until they're perfect, and thus short people didn't take as long to reach perfection.
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/2/2016 9:24:00 AM
But then he said that McDonald's was his spiritual home, and I admit that a doubt crept into my mind at that point.
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Chris Green
Date: 12/1/2016 12:24:00 PM
cont... Haven't been there yet because the damn shortstop is always in the way. Why are those guys always so tall? Anyway, I get your point, maybe on the third strike I'll head for home.
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Chris Green
Date: 12/1/2016 12:23:00 PM
I don't think the arch here, at least for me, has ever reached anything that could be classified "height" and I'm not talking the Golden Arches, but those who can't seem to reach the itch, no matter how hard they try(even if I offer them a happy meal). Often I have thought about scratching this off the list, but each time I do, I manage to round second, then there is that temptation to reach third. TBC
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/1/2016 12:07:00 PM
Ha! High praise, my friend - thank you. There was some "childlike" energy there yesterday, stemming from my "childhood" on the Poetry Soup website. It's often like that, you have a new place and you really fire it up in the early days. There's always a point where the ascending arc flattens out, though, or even starts really giving it up to gravity, deadly sin that gravity is.
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/1/2016 12:06:00 PM
Even today, one day later, I can feel a slowing. Really can't fight it - and I speak from much experience here - you might get a little temporary boost from extra caffeine or alcohol, but you have to let the medium or long-term trends run their course. And chemical attempts to prime the pump have their own revenge, and then you're really behind the 8 ball.
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/1/2016 12:05:00 PM
Said another way, the "crash" that follows a chemical high is debilitating, and for sure you couldn't hit the ball so well then. Yet - there are over fifty-six thousand 7-Eleven stores in the world, so you still might make it. Man, that's a lot of Slurpees and Big Gulps, eh? And I know that sexual stuff isn't supposed to be on the Poetry Soup website, so my intent with those drink names is pure.
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/1/2016 12:03:00 PM
USA Today newspapers are the biggest seller for 7-Eleven. In the #2 position is cold, single cans or bottles of beer. That makes me laugh. : P Followed by single bottles of water.....WHAT? I still don't get this - people *paying* for water like that. Yeah, yeah, "healthier" than soft drinks or booze blah blah blah - I know, but the money/quantity of water thing kills me.
Date: 12/1/2016 9:50:00 AM
Wow
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Doug Vinson
Date: 12/1/2016 11:30:00 AM
Yeah, Gerald - World of warcraft. Just kidding - cheers, Doug.
Date: 12/1/2016 9:17:00 AM
Hi John, thank you. Two weeks ago, I saw myself in a mirror - had a T shirt on and a short coat that didn't cover the bottom 3 or 4 inches of the shirt. What you could see of the shirt was so dirty in back that I just had to laugh....
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Date: 12/1/2016 8:06:00 AM
GOTD! (giggle of the day award) Thanks for chuckles with coffee this morning. I've been 'filth-wheeled' a time or two;-) My sympathies to all big rig drivers and, my respect. ~john
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