Vertical Binds

probing rays of light spill through my window pain my mind wanders between shadow and fray I exhale a faint whisper into the stagnant life hovering around me energy awakens and begins a dizzy stumbling dance the sun searches for my presence in this otherwise dim and lonely space a hot touch finds my face I squint as if staring at the abusive hand of a dead lover I recoil in a harsh memory laid to rest haunted specters edge through unfulfilled spaces I lie stoic listening for time to move I step up on a stair spiraling down to a door of self-doubt that has rotted with age the hinges have rusted, and a drunken handle is dangling a window of self-blame fogged by anxious ventilation curdles inside its frame it slams wide-shut when confronted with any shudder of pain a bucket of trauma spills over revealing memories unsettling and stark but suddenly, a cosmic rain of tears pours down from above it washes the fear, branded to my heart I am showered in healing and unconditional love memories may surface in soft places, but I won't be bound, by the fear or inadequacy that tore me down I will never allow my self-worth to be invaded, nor my soul, to ever again be degraded