The Gift of Hopelessness
Hopelessness is that brief lapse, that necessary pause,
Closing the door on an existence of conflict.
It is that first gasp, that momentary stab of sadness,
Defying design and allowing no plan for escape or rescue.
It is fear rushing in on the glorious notes of Mozart’s Requiem,
Filling open wounds with beautiful sounds of death.
It is enduring pain that pierces so cruelly and cuts so deep
That emotion is broken and awareness is impossible.
Hopelessness is letting go of childhood dreams,
Knowing that neither perfection nor performance
Will ever change the outcome.
Hopelessness is finally accepting the sorrow,
Unclenching tight, childlike fists,
And simply releasing a childhood that never really existed.
Hopelessness is surrendering to anguish and despair,
Uniting with tears of defeat and pain; then silently saluting this passing foe
Who has graciously captured the field, and left open the door to compassion.
Compassion is the promise, the holy gift of hopelessness.
Compassion is the stairway, the path in the forest
Leading to that lovely grace, that perfect stop
To conditioned patterns of suffering.
Compassion is the meter, the cadence of the heart,
Transforming deceit into joyful affirmation;
Proving that control and intimidation
Had lost their power long ago.
Compassion is the redeeming grace of hopelessness,
If I dare to breathe it in and let go of the need to suffer.
Compassion is the golden key to my imagined prisons,
If I dare to accept its comfort and simply review the pictures from my past.
Compassion is the cool water of life, soothing me,
If I dare to lay my head upon the verity it offers.
So take hold, my grieving heart;
Embrace this gift of hopelessness;
Wrap hard your arms around it,
This saddest of sadnesses.
Swallow it whole
And let it fill your mind and body and soul.
Then exhale the suffering
And believe you are worthy of love.
For in the end, it is compassion that will walk me through
The painful shame of my past, then patiently sit beside me
As I release the familiar solace of suffering.
For in the end, it is compassion
That will give me the grace and courage
To accept the gift of hopelessness.
[written on the theme of the Buddhist Day of Enlightenment -
and to release all that is hindering our attainment of compassion]
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