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Reaching Deepest Oceans

My cherished one How far will I love you As far as where moons dissolve in deep seas Beyond the edge of a tide's crimson hue where your breath quickens sails with fevered breeze. Alone I'll embark to our promised land across long borders of unending pain under fading stars above drifting sand through anchored shadows of persisting rain. Oh those foreign eyes yet not so distant Your arms safe harbour of a warm embrace Two hearts entwine against odds resistant 'Neath plum fog sky my lips outline your face. Water rises 'tween silent hope and time But water falls and I will make you mine.

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Robert Lindley

Date: 8/9/2015 10:10:00 AM

Both versions are outstanding my friend. Being a sonnet guy I favor more the sonnet version but that's just my bias .A7

Gary Bateman

Date: 6/9/2015 7:38:00 AM

Both versions Charma are great, but I tend to like the Sonnet version that best. Most Excellent!! And a "7" + FAV for sure. The final two verses (or the couplet) "Water rises . . . ." is magnificent. Best Always, Gary

The Grahamburglar

Date: 6/1/2015 11:00:00 PM

Those are both very moving. I think I also prefer your revised, sonnet form. The imagery is vivid and beautiful. Excellent job! This is an easy 7.

Thomas Martin

Date: 5/30/2015 9:36:00 AM

Have read both versions and both are very good. Think I prefer the sonnet version, which is more to the point..

Paul Callus

Date: 5/17/2015 12:05:00 PM

Your sonnet is lovely. You had to work harder on it, and sticking to ten syllables for each line is a change from free verse. The original's rhyme has been mostly retained. // paul

Sara Kendrick

Date: 5/14/2015 9:40:00 AM

Okay! Sara

Richard Lamoureux

Date: 5/14/2015 6:55:00 AM

You are a gift to us and I thank you! 7 all the way.

Busani Zuma

Date: 5/14/2015 5:40:00 AM

great work

Nandita Das

Date: 5/14/2015 3:43:00 AM

An array of beautiful expressions in this wonderful sonnet on love....i liked the 11th and 14th line of the original version better. More tender, more deep....excellent piece. 7

Jaycee Cervenka

Date: 5/13/2015 7:53:00 PM

Charmaine what a wonderful rewrite. I am always reluctant to play too much much less change forms so kudos! It's a beautiful love sonnet and has some great improvements of word choice. ~Jan

Kp Nunez

Date: 5/13/2015 5:21:00 PM

Such beautiful expression of love, Charmaine. I admire the way you were able to change the form, make it a seamless sonnet, and retain the deepest emotion contained in the original. I like both, actually but I learned upon seeing the changes. A 7. :-) Kim

Tim Smith

Date: 5/12/2015 9:44:00 AM

I love how this turned out Charma.... It is a well construed sonnet...is this what we are supposed to do after our poems are finished?

David Meade

Date: 5/12/2015 7:46:00 AM

Each expresses the power of love to transcend great distances . . . the revised flows well and is refined . . . but the original has a raw power which demonstrates that love transcends even words of a lover. Nicely done.