Charmaine Chircop | + Follow Poet |
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Reaching Deepest Oceans

My cherished one How  far will I love you
As far as where moons dissolve  in deep seas
Beyond the edge of a tide's crimson hue
where your breath quickens sails with fevered breeze.
Alone I'll embark to our promised land
across long borders of unending pain
under fading stars above drifting sand
through anchored shadows of persisting rain.
Oh those foreign eyes yet not so distant
Your arms safe harbour of a warm embrace
Two hearts entwine against odds resistant
'Neath plum fog sky my lips outline your face.
Water rises 'tween silent hope and time
But water falls and I will make you  mine.

Copyright © Charmaine Chircop | Year Posted 2015

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Robert Lindley Date: 8/9/2015 10:10:00 AM Both versions are outstanding my friend. Being a sonnet guy I favor more the sonnet version but that's just my bias .A7 Login to Reply

Gary Bateman Date: 6/9/2015 7:38:00 AM Both versions Charma are great, but I tend to like the Sonnet version that best. Most Excellent!! And a "7" + FAV for sure. The final two verses (or the couplet) "Water rises . . . ." is magnificent. Best Always, Gary Login to Reply

The Grahamburglar Date: 6/1/2015 11:00:00 PM Those are both very moving. I think I also prefer your revised, sonnet form. The imagery is vivid and beautiful. Excellent job! This is an easy 7. Login to Reply

Thomas Martin Date: 5/30/2015 9:36:00 AM Have read both versions and both are very good. Think I prefer the sonnet version, which is more to the point.. Login to Reply

Paul Callus Date: 5/17/2015 12:05:00 PM Your sonnet is lovely. You had to work harder on it, and sticking to ten syllables for each line is a change from free verse. The original's rhyme has been mostly retained. // paul Login to Reply

Sara Kendrick Date: 5/14/2015 9:40:00 AM Okay! Sara Login to Reply

Richard Lamoureux Date: 5/14/2015 6:55:00 AM You are a gift to us and I thank you! 7 all the way. Login to Reply

Busani Zuma Date: 5/14/2015 5:40:00 AM great work Login to Reply

Nandita Das Date: 5/14/2015 3:43:00 AM An array of beautiful expressions in this wonderful sonnet on love....i liked the 11th and 14th line of the original version better. More tender, more deep....excellent piece. 7 Login to Reply

Jaycee Cervenka Date: 5/13/2015 7:53:00 PM Charmaine what a wonderful rewrite. I am always reluctant to play too much much less change forms so kudos! It's a beautiful love sonnet and has some great improvements of word choice. ~Jan Login to Reply

Kp Nunez Date: 5/13/2015 5:21:00 PM Such beautiful expression of love, Charmaine. I admire the way you were able to change the form, make it a seamless sonnet, and retain the deepest emotion contained in the original. I like both, actually but I learned upon seeing the changes. A 7. :-) Kim Login to Reply

Tim Smith Date: 5/12/2015 9:44:00 AM I love how this turned out Charma.... It is a well construed sonnet...is this what we are supposed to do after our poems are finished? Login to Reply

David Meade Date: 5/12/2015 7:46:00 AM Each expresses the power of love to transcend great distances . . . the revised flows well and is refined . . . but the original has a raw power which demonstrates that love transcends even words of a lover. Nicely done. Login to Reply