Monologue About Her: Part Three of Four

Maybe I want to be. I can’t help it I feel like I have some sort of right To be part of your future Even though Your idea of me Is stuck in the past. Would you be interested in me? Who I am? Who I’ve become? Have I changed that much? Would your mum still like me? Did she ever like me? Do you still like me? Should I care? Do you have good reason? We both probably do. Love is an inescapable avenue One that for both of us Started with each other. Will you walk back down? To see me again? Or go your own way? Find someone who’s right for you? We always talked about soulmates I always believed both of us. It felt completely believable Everyone agreed. I’ve told everyone that I’ve felt that with everyone too. What makes you so special? Why am I so hung up on you? 9 months of emotional guilt trips Lying to our parents Using each other for sex Blaming each other for silly things The pregnancy scares. You never miss the bad times You choose to forget those moments Shoved to the back of your subconscious. I want you back for the best times The times that seem slowly fading away With every year Recalling less and less Of how exactly we had spent Our time together. I think I’m happy now. I’ve found someone I do love And who I know loves me. I can see my whole life with this person I can see myself being happy with this person. But you will continue an open book ‘The One That Got Away’ I just want to know why. What did I do wrong? Did I push you away from me? Was it all my fault? Why have I felt this way for four f*cking years And done nothing about it? Would we be better now? I feel more like you Like I’ve learned from our time apart. I feel like you’re more like me Do you even realise that? Is that even true? We both made mistakes Have we learned from them? Can we ever move past them? Are these small problems Have we even changed? Maybe I don’t want us to change So we can live out the memories we’ll forget And replace them with new ones. But it’ll end the same way. Is that how it has to end? Is that why we’re not meant for each other? Surely we’d be together if we were? What’s stopping us? Us. I just want to message you To know how you’re doing I don’t want to make the wrong impression Like I’m desperate to have back The way you made me feel Despite the fact I am. I’m still happy to just Know how you’re doing