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Poem
Maybe I want to be.
I can’t help it
I feel like I have some sort of right
To be part of your future
Even though
Your idea of me
Is stuck in the past.

Would you be interested in me?
Who I am?
Who I’ve become?
Have I changed that much?
Would your mum still like me?
Did she ever like me?
Do you still like me?
Should I care?
Do you have good reason?

We both probably do.
Love is an inescapable avenue
One that for both of us
Started with each other.
Will you walk back down?
To see me again?
Or go your own way?
Find someone who’s right for you?

We always talked about soulmates
I always believed both of us.
It felt completely believable
Everyone agreed. 
I’ve told everyone that
I’ve felt that with everyone too.
What makes you so special?

Why am I so hung up on you?
9 months of emotional guilt trips
Lying to our parents
Using each other for sex
Blaming each other for silly things
The pregnancy scares.

You never miss the bad times
You choose to forget those moments
Shoved to the back of your subconscious.
I want you back for the best times
The times that seem slowly fading away
With every year
Recalling less and less
Of how exactly we had spent
Our time together. 

I think I’m happy now.
I’ve found someone I do love
And who I know loves me.
I can see my whole life with this person
I can see myself being happy with this person.
But you will continue an open book
‘The One That Got Away’

I just want to know why.
What did I do wrong?
Did I push you away from me?
Was it all my fault?
Why have I felt this way for four f*cking years
And done nothing about it?

Would we be better now?
I feel more like you
Like I’ve learned from our time apart.
I feel like you’re more like me
Do you even realise that?
Is that even true?

We both made mistakes
Have we learned from them?
Can we ever move past them?
Are these small problems
Have we even changed?

Maybe I don’t want us to change
So we can live out the memories we’ll forget
And replace them with new ones.
But it’ll end the same way.
Is that how it has to end?

Is that why we’re not meant for each other?
Surely we’d be together if we were?
What’s stopping us?
Us.

I just want to message you
To know how you’re doing
I don’t want to make the wrong impression
Like I’m desperate to have back
The way you made me feel
Despite the fact I am.
I’m still happy to just
Know how you’re doing
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