Mistaken That You Loved Me
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'My' biggest mistake was being born a girl
I was never going to meet your expectations for you wanted a
Son and you got me ...mum said to you ‘I was the next best thing’
That’s maybe why you treated me and my sister
Anne so differently - she was like a princess
Kept by you and mum, never having to work
Even now she treats me like a second class citizen BUT
Now you are no longer here I am finally free from the past
There are no words to express my
Heartfelt sorrow at the way you treated me
All I wanted was to be loved by you but
That love was never ever there for me
You never acknowledged anything I achieved
Or the fact I gave you your only grandchild
Unwanted unloved that’s how I was made to feel by you
Looking back over my life has been difficult
Only recently I discovered the full extent of the
Variance between the way you treated us both during your lifetime
Except one thing you could never take away from me was my
Determination to stand on my own two feet and be my own person
Maybe life could have been different if you’d got the son you wanted BUT
Everything I have I worked for and I am proud of who I am
My Biggest Mistake Contest sponsored by Laura Loo
This is probably the most personal poem I have ever written but it has been so cathartic to finally put this down on paper and put my ghost to bed. Maybe in time I will finally grieve for my father, but I have been told by Hospice that this could take many years.
07~04~16
Copyright © Jan Allison | Year Posted 2016
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