In Need of Something More

Often, I find myself reaching for something tangible to hold. Something to cling to that will not let me go. I don't want the same fate of a maple leaf, lying torn and tattered beneath someone's feet. That thought causes me grief. I wish instead for something more. Something with a backbone or a core that offers more than a temporary moment of joy, a feeling of permanence... to have and to hold. No, not like marriage vows. Many of those don't last. An eternal life, or at least enough time to live in happiness on a higher spiritual plain. No emotional suffering or physical pain. I don't want to chase life in a fast-flowing current for I fear drowning in an undertow. Just so you know... Deep inside, my heart skips a beat and wants to hide when it's been wounded. I don't confide its weakness to everyone. It's something I despise, but sometimes when day is done, I hear it weeping and tears fall from my eyes. my inner being longs to live a longer life no tears from my heart I'd wish instead for something more. Something with more backbone or a core. Perhaps a new attitude is what I need, so when my feelings are hurt, my heart will not bleed. Or perhaps a stronger constitution may be the solution I seek instead of being meek and always willing to turn the other cheek. I will be like Gideon, the first to offer my hand. Pride will not put an end to confrontation, so it should not reside within me. Today, I found a quote that made perfect sense about having recompense. It read, "Never apologize for burning too brightly or collapsing into yourself every night. That is how galaxies are made."* That made me realize that I should apologize to myself, my central core, for wanting something more than I already had. I don't need to be a star, shining on high. I only need to be who I am. thoughts can be fickle no star was I meant to be content to be me *Tyler Kent White