Dont Make a Monkey Out of Me

A man and his monkey walked into the pub He ordered two drinks for him and his bud The landlord complied with curious look When the pair downed their beer, the monkey was shook He went into a frenzy and jumped all around And then started eating everything that he found He ate pretzels and peanuts, cigarette butts Change off the bar, they all thought he was nuts The bar tender changed from confused to irate As chimp broke up pool game when cue ball he ate They were tossed out the door followed by cheers Thrown out of the tavern and barred for a year This isn't the end of the tale; sad to say They showed up again one year to the day The landlord cautioned as they ordered their beer "I don't want a repeat of what happened last year" "You've no need to fret" was reply from the man "He's been to the vet..." his story began Before he could finish the chimp had beer drunk And a peanut from floor in his butt he did dunk Pulled out and examined before putting in mouth Picked up a pretzel and hand headed back south Repeating the process again and again Until the bartenders language became quite profane Green-gilled and quite sick he asked "what's the matter With that monkey of yours that thinks his bum is a platter?" "There's nothing wrong and he's quite clever you see, After that cue ball last year, he checks all that he eats"