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A man and his monkey walked into the pub
He ordered two drinks for him and his bud
The landlord complied with curious look
When the pair downed their beer, the monkey was shook

He went into a frenzy and jumped all around
And then started eating everything that he found
He ate pretzels and peanuts, cigarette butts
Change off the bar, they all thought he was nuts

The bar tender changed from confused to irate
As chimp broke up pool game when cue ball he ate
They were tossed out the door followed by cheers
Thrown out of the tavern and barred for a year

This isn't the end of the tale; sad to say
They showed up again one year to the day
The landlord cautioned as they ordered their beer
"I don't want a repeat of what happened last year"

"You've no need to fret" was reply from the man
"He's been to the vet..." his story began
Before he could finish the chimp had beer drunk
And a peanut from floor in his butt he did dunk

Pulled out and examined before putting in mouth
Picked up a pretzel and hand headed back south
Repeating the process again and again
Until the bartenders language became quite profane

Green-gilled and quite sick he asked "what's the matter
With that monkey of yours that thinks his bum is a platter?"
"There's nothing wrong and he's quite clever you see,
After that cue ball last year, he checks all that he eats"

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