Delusion

“ Affirmation without discipline is the beginning of delusion. Jim Rohn “ Relentlessly I pace around the room, like a caged lion, dreaming of vast forests, yearning for savannah grasslands, vaguely remembered. I fret for I feel inadequate, still, I yearn despite the drudgery of life. My thirst for you is insatiable, always increasing though deluded, as if I'm living in some devastating desert where no fertile oasis thrives. How can I enforce discipline? I cannot do it. Night deepens and I yearn for the day. Lying in bed I wonder how much of all this I can take. At last, my wife's home, reeking of foul-smelling cigarettes, reeling with too much drink, dress soiled with what I dare not think. She smiles at me, I freeze revolted. Her kiss is blistering as I wipe her saliva off, I help her reluctantly to her dark solitary cot. How easy my fire is quenched! All sweet song is muted. I despair. How many wearisome nights are appointed to me? That we should exist when life is just like a passing wind, it comes and goes, extinguished forever. Till then, she and I are but chained, each to his own devious devices. Will I ever see joy again? I retire to my fitful sleep and dare to dream. Perhaps one day..... Who knows? The newborn dawn is nigh, its first rays are fresh and bright. Yet, despite reality and delusion, I dare to dream.