Crush

It’s back to school, hip hip hooray I’m so glad to be back today I’ve got my bag and all my books And practiced intellectual looks Today’s first session is Miss Hughes She’s five foot three in low heel shoes Slim as any girl I’ve seen She’s something like a beauty queen The blackboard is a little high But five foot three means ‘my o my’ She takes the chalk and there she goes Stretching up on tippy toes And goodness how my ardour grows It’s stockings, not just pantyhose I nearly see her ‘not-to-mention’ Which gets my absolute attention She says, ‘Can you see, at the back’ I’m feeling my composure crack I feel my heartbeat getting faster She turns and says, ‘Oh Hi, Headmaster.’ 14 September 2022 Contest: Back to School Sponsor: Francine Roberts

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John Watt

Date: 9/22/2022 11:24:00 AM

Terry, too funny! Somewhere around 11th grade our city had a teacher's strike, and our sub for math class was a recent winner of a local beauty pageant. Her mastery of mathematics wasn't all that impressive, but that didn't seem to matter much to the boys in the class! As you say here so cogently, my o my. Enjoyed the read and congrats for your top placement ~ John

Terry Flood
Date: 9/22/2022 11:56:00 AM

Thanks, John. Delighted with a first. I rather expected a more ‘hi brow’ offering to top the podium but I’m certainly not complaining. Funny how boys become lechers before we know what one is. And then of course we all grow up into refined gentlemen. ;-)

Elizabeth Mccann

Date: 9/21/2022 8:30:00 PM

And all done with never a stretch for a rhyme! Masterful and soooo funny! (Sorry, the "validate won't let me sign my full name)

Terry Flood
Date: 9/22/2022 11:49:00 AM

Thanks, Elizabeth. It’s funny how this poem pretty well formed in a single draft, when I’d struggled to come up with anything until a few days before the contest’s deadline. Seems to have tickled some funny bones so that’s job done.

Ann Peck

Date: 9/21/2022 3:06:00 PM

That is so cute, Terry. Oh wow--I remember we all had a crush on Mr. Lonsdale in 7th grade. Don't even remember what he taught :) Congratulations on your big win!

Terry Flood
Date: 9/21/2022 4:28:00 PM

Thanks, Ann. Doesn’t matter what he taught… my guess is you were all studying biology. Glad you enjoyed. Terry

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 9/21/2022 3:06:00 PM

Omg one of the funniest poems I ever read. Fave

Andrea Dietrich
Date: 9/21/2022 8:32:00 PM

well, I wrote one years ago that was super funny and made into a song, so maybe mine is the best and you are second. hahaha As for all the funny poems I have read this year, I think this one takes the cake!

Terry Flood
Date: 9/21/2022 4:23:00 PM

So not the BEST then? I had better try a little harder. Ha ha. Thanks Andrea, glad you enjoyed so much and thanks for the fave too. ;-)

Margarita Lillico

Date: 9/21/2022 11:41:00 AM

That is hilarious!!! Great win!

Terry Flood
Date: 9/21/2022 12:03:00 PM

Thank you, Margarita. I doubt it was only the boys that had their eyes on their teachers and I’m sure the teachers had their moments too. ;-)

Linda Alice Fowler

Date: 9/21/2022 6:28:00 AM

Glowing fun Terry! Very creative. Congratulations on your win! Linda

Terry Flood
Date: 9/21/2022 12:27:00 PM

Thanks, Linda. I nearly didn’t enter because I found school tedious. But then I had a brainwave…

Jenna Logan

Date: 9/21/2022 5:28:00 AM

I was thinking, "What a naughty little tyke," and had to adjust my thinking to, "You naughty old lecher!" Congrats on your win, Terry. Your sense of humor is fantastic.

Terry Flood
Date: 9/21/2022 12:29:00 PM

Thanks Jenna, both for the congrats and the compliment. Terry

Valsa George

Date: 9/21/2022 2:19:00 AM

Quite humorous and equally enjoyable ! I wonder how she would have reacted had she known her student's crush on her. She would have brushed it aside thinking that after all it is a teenage fad.Really enjoyed it Terry. Congratulations on your top win.

Terry Flood
Date: 9/21/2022 2:34:00 AM

Thank you, Valsa. I’m sure the students were showing their own interest but that headmaster should have had more self control. Of course, you can be a headmaster at about nineteen these days so perhaps I judge too harshly! ;-)

Christuraj Alex

Date: 9/20/2022 7:26:00 PM

Great poem on crush on teacher. Very interestingly and enthusiastically written. Congratulations!

Terry Flood
Date: 9/21/2022 12:49:00 AM

Thank you, Christuraj. Glad you enjoyed. Terry

Brian Sambourne

Date: 9/20/2022 5:30:00 PM

Such a creative, original write. A little naughtiness always delights. Your surprise ending is a clever turn indeed. Congratulations! Brian

Terry Flood
Date: 9/21/2022 12:52:00 AM

Thanks, Brian. I’m not sure where you are, but in the UK, we used to have a programme called ‘Please Sir’ about a class full of unruly kids. Kinda had this in mind as I wrote. Just twisted the end. ;-)

Gershon Wolf

Date: 9/15/2022 7:43:00 PM

Terry, you devil you! So cleverly done. Bravo, gw

Terry Flood
Date: 9/16/2022 7:09:00 AM

And there’s me thinking everybody would guess the twist. Glad you enjoyed, GW. Terry

Ilene Bauer

Date: 9/15/2022 1:53:00 PM

ha! you totally faked me out, terry! this is delightful and funny as well...

Terry Flood
Date: 9/16/2022 7:14:00 AM

Thanks, Ilene. I wasn’t a lecherous lad and obviously this is a work of fiction, but I suspect I paid rather more attention to the prettier teachers. I guess that’s some kind of universal truth. Glad you enjoyed. Terry

Terry Ireland

Date: 9/15/2022 1:04:00 AM

More than 60 years later i can still recall the lust aroused by the Young lady, a Parisienne, who captivated us all inn the 5th. Still recall her name and, though maybe enhances by the years, her face. Thanks for this Terry. 'tother Terry

Terry Flood
Date: 9/15/2022 11:42:00 AM

I only recall one teacher in my school years who was actually a bit of all-right (I care not if that’s un-woke), strangely, looking back, she was quite studious looking, but she certainly ticked my boxes. My marks were about what I deserved so the attraction was one way… or perhaps she was simply professional. Oh…. and I was only twelve. ;-)

Jeff Kyser

Date: 9/14/2022 5:37:00 PM

Good ending! Always amusing. I had a 5th grade teacher who was 5’ nothing, but he was a different story. I might have to put something together…

Terry Flood
Date: 9/15/2022 11:44:00 AM

I shall await that tale with baited breath, Jeff. Terry