Can I Get An E

explanations of life's complexity seem more like eager delusions designed to keep us tame, all my energy is sucked out of my soul as I try to hold on explosive emotions can't just be willed away exploring of all my flaws, and damage that weight on me eternity seems well, quite daunting. exhaling long breaths as I scramble to stay calm excising demons, evil parasites, mental agony and takes all of energy leaving little left to with the exigent circumstances of life enhanced by loneliness and longing eat away at what little remains of my vitality each day chips at my hopes, dreams, reasons to go on existence is constant, and time stops for no one. each dawn I awake and dread the day to come "exacts steps are not marked. Just keep walking!" I command myself elongated by perception moment's feel like years. eerie shadows and screaming whispers of afterthoughts and doubt echo through my being swarming my mind in perpetual discordance evening comes to me like a warm loving embrace eagerly awaiting sleeps oblivion as a respite from the difficulty of day entertaining synapses collide without fail enticing thoughts of suicide as I try to fight for sleep exhaustion creeping up and lingering no matter how much rest endlessly I search for some meaning to maintain all the effort and toil it takes to go on living. the fact is etched into my soul is the promise I made to you to keep going elusive as happiness seems, I gave my word I would be strong essentially, I'm just living in hopes your looking down on me eyes full of understanding and love that I fear I will never again see.