Bandaid Addiction
My 4 year old was addicted to Band-aids
Every part of his body needed a Band-aid.
'mama mama momy mom mom mama'
"WHAT!!!!!!"
'I have an owie
come see mama'
"Julian, love
mama doesn't have time to look today
I'm getting ready for work"
'Mama
I need a Band-aid mama'
"Ok, fine sweetheart
you can have a Band-aid
just PLEASE
let me get ready for work"
2 minutes later
'Mama
I cant get the papers off mama'
"Fine
bring me the Band-aid
and I'll take off the papers
after that
mama has to get ready for work"
Julian happily puts the Band-aid on
5 minutes later
'Mama'
'the kitty scratched me
I need a Band-aid
look mama look'
"JULIAN, honey
PLEASE let mama get ready, ok
PLEASE
I don't have time to look
just go bring me another Band-aid
but no more, ok"
Julian happily puts on the Band-aid
7 minutes later
'Mama'
I have a owie on my toe
look mama
my toe broke'
"JULIAN DAMEN JAMES LINDSAY
I will NOT tell you again
let me get ready FOR WORK!"
'But mama
my toe has a broken on it
I need a Band-aid
mama mama mommy mom mom'
"OMG, Julian
You are REALLY starting to make mama mad
I mean it
this is your very last Band-aid
Bring me that box of Band-aids
and this is it
The very last one for the entire day
D O YOU UNDERSTAND?"
Happily
Julian skips across the room
on his BROKEN toe
bringing me the box of Band-aids
"There
the very last one
Do you hear me?
absolutely
NO MORE BAND-AIDS
mama has to finish getting ready for work"
'Ok, mama, no more Band-aids'
I hide the box of Band-aids in the cookie jar on top of the fridge
And That, takes care of That
10 minutes later
'Mama
I have a tummy ache mama
my tummy hurts
mama mama mama'
HA!
"Sorry Julian
the Band-aids are all gone now
and I said No more Band-aids"
Julian drops to the floor
kicking and screaming
'My tummy hurts
my tummy hurts'
Because I'm an unfit mother
I run over
grab his arms and yank him to his feet
"That's it Julian
you stop it now or I'll give you something to cry about..
wanna spankin?
HUH?'
'No mama no
no spankin'
"You go into your room and DO NOT come out
until I am ready for work
DO YOU UNDERSTAND"
'yes mama'
Thank God, finally
I can now get ready for work
20 minutes later
"Ok, Julian
come put your jacket on
so we can go"
"JULIAN"?
"JULIAN, come on right now"
Here comes Julian with a very strange look on his face
which I recognize as guilt
holding his hands over his stomach
hiding something bulging under his shirt
"What have you done, young man?"
"Nothing mama"
"Julian
what have you got under your shirt?"
'But mama
I have a tummy ache, I needed a Band-aid'
"Where did you get the Band-aids Julian?
mama has all the Band-aids"
Sheepishly, he tells me
'from under sissy's sink'
"From under sissy's sink?
come over here right now"
'But mama
sissy has the big Band-aids for my big tummy ache'
"JULIAN DAMEN JAMES LINDSAY
Do NOT make me come over there and get you"
Julian drags his feet up to me
hands on top of his shirt
his hidden Band-aid being protected from his evil mother
Julian starts to throw a fit
as I grab his hands and lift his shirt
WTF?
Taped to his stomach is one of his sister's panty liners
Laughing my butt off
I'm forced to pull the panty liner off of him
while he's kicking, screaming and yelling
'not my big Band-aid, don't take my big Band-aid'
Rolling on the floor
laughing till I'm crying
Julian is screaming and kicking on the floor
AND
I'm late for work
I wouldn't change a thing
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