A Most Unusual Evangelical One-Man Band

An old preacher named Ned Got it into his head To make a musical pilgrimage Before he was dead. He claimed divine inspiration To form a band and tour the nation, And by so doing treat its ills, Not with welfare checks and pills, But with arpeggios and trills. He'd spread the gospel word through music And lead the land back to salvation. He first made a violin And strung it with hairs from his very own chin. Then next came a saxophone That he whittled right out of a billy goat's bone. He fashioned a tambourine From an old piece of cowhide and dyed it bright green. Then from a small turtle shell, He managed to carve a mouth organ, as well. And last came an accordion From a corset, two clothespins, and a large rubber band. What, again, was the plan For Brother Ned's one-man band? He would spread the Word through music All over the land. His wife helped him to pack All his stuff on his back; A quick peck on the cheek, He'll send a check once a week. Then he left his abode With his instrument load And took his unusual act on the road. As she waved him good-bye, His wife heaved a huge sigh And dabbed at the tears That welled up in her eyes. "Poor old fool with his boast, He's tone-deaf as a post. But he's set in his ways, So I'll give it three days, Or if someone don't hang him, Or shoot him, Then maybe a week and a half, At the most."