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An old preacher named Ned
Got it into his head
To make a musical pilgrimage
Before he was dead.
He claimed divine inspiration
To form a band and tour the nation,
And by so doing treat its ills,
Not with welfare checks and pills,
But with arpeggios and trills.
He'd spread the gospel word through music
And lead the land back to salvation.

He first made a violin
And strung it with hairs from his very own chin.
Then next came a saxophone
That he whittled right out of a billy goat's bone.
He fashioned a tambourine
From an old piece of cowhide and dyed it bright green.
Then from a small turtle shell,
He managed to carve a mouth organ, as well.
And last came an accordion
From a corset, two clothespins, and a large rubber band.

What, again, was the plan
For Brother Ned's one-man band?
He would spread the Word through music
All over the land.
His wife helped him to pack
All his stuff on his back;
A quick peck on the cheek,
He'll send a check once a week.
Then he left his abode
With his instrument load
And took his unusual act on the road.

As she waved him good-bye,
His wife heaved a huge sigh
And dabbed at the tears
That welled up in her eyes.
"Poor old fool with his boast,
He's tone-deaf as a post.
But he's set in his ways,
So I'll give it three days,
Or if someone don't hang him,
Or shoot him,
Then maybe a week and a half,
At the most."

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