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A Big Regret

Seeing a wrong and doing very little
           to right it. . . 
I’m sure this happens - at least to some of us -
                                      from time to time
But when the wrong involves a defenseless child
           and when we may be that child’s only hope
we absolutely must step in.

when I was a very young adult
              such an opportunity presented itself to me.

I was babysitting for a couple
                whose children ranged in age from one to five.
I think there were three children.
My mind is fuzzy on the details, but well do I remember
          how sometimes, for no apparent reason,
the eldest boy would scream and scream and scream.
At age five, he could barely utter intelligible speech
        and he was not yet toilet trained.
I think there was a daughter, a middle child.
  Apparently if she had problems, they were not as pronounced
      as with her siblings, since I can't recall them.
 Then there was the baby boy, at least sixteen months old
                  and barely crawling (perhaps he did not crawl at all).
He arrived at my house along with a diaper bag and a bottle
                                                        filled with coffee.
Rather taken aback by that, I gave him milk from my fridge.
Explanations from his mother, I can’t recall.
              I was watching two other children as well,
and the screaming child made things difficult for us all.

After a few days (or perhaps it was a week),
my husband and I paid a visit to the parents’ house.
We let them know that I no longer 
                         could provide them with my service.

This all happened in a time 
when abuse of children was not so openly discussed
as it is today. I never saw the children being physically abused.
But their stunted development spoke volumes to me.
Did I even know of child services at that time?
It was so long ago! Why can’t I remember?
I could at least have called my church for some advice.
Did I even do that? I do not think so.
   I could never control the screaming boy,
             but I could have taken that baby 
                        and cuddled him, simply cuddled him
for a longer time than I imagine he ever got cuddled at home.
God only knows where those children ended up today.

I feel ashamed that I did not give more love to them all. 
    Reflecting on regrets, I believe
              my reaction (or inaction) to that sad situation 
                                       to be one of my biggest ones.


Written Oct. 16, 2016 for the Regret Contest of Frank Herrera

Copyright © | Year Posted 2016




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Date: 10/18/2016 7:31:00 AM
WOW, as Scott said below so heartfelt sweet Andrea. You are so gifted lady! I am honored to read your beautiful penmanship:)congrats on your placement :)-luloo
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Date: 10/18/2016 6:58:00 AM
A heartfelt, sad tale Andrea. Very painful to tell I would think. But you learnt from this and have done so many great things because of this learning. How many times? Nobody would ever know. Great engaging write, from a dear heart.
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Date: 10/18/2016 12:22:00 AM
.....and back again to say congrats, Andrea. Viv x
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Date: 10/17/2016 11:04:00 PM
It's very brave of you to write about it with such honesty. Everything happens for a reason under God's will. Quite a burden when u have something like this in your heart. I am sure u must be feeling light after putting it out. My best regards, Andrea.
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Date: 10/17/2016 7:32:00 PM
A stirring heartfelt poem, Andrea. Forgiving yourself after asking God to forgive you is the key to freedom from this weighty burden on your soul. Do this and fly free like the rare bird you are. Release yourself from this invisible cage. Only love and more love to you and yours from the RW (Romantic Warrior.)
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Date: 10/17/2016 2:04:00 PM
A heartfelt story Andrea ...hindsight is always 20/20...have you ever tried finding them?
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Date: 10/17/2016 12:54:00 PM
Dear Andrea, honest lady you are!....not your fault so don't regret...this poem reflects your heart of gold! good luck in the contest dear //love, Anu:)
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Date: 10/17/2016 8:38:00 AM
Very honest, Andrea, but you were just a "young adult", it was not your fault:) memories of course remain, but don't regret:)
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Date: 10/17/2016 6:29:00 AM
deep & heartfelt write, my friend x
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Date: 10/17/2016 4:15:00 AM
Painful subject matter, those kind of things were usually hushed up back then, thank God the system has changed, good to bring a light to such horrors, but the onus was not yours to bear, although I can see why and where the guilt stems. Deeply felt.
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Date: 10/17/2016 3:32:00 AM
So honest and deep... You are very kind... It's not your fault...please don't worry about this... Good luck with the contest...
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Date: 10/17/2016 12:24:00 AM
Excellent. Very sincere write with sad notes. Enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing it.
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Date: 10/17/2016 12:15:00 AM
The world and it's problems are like a leaking dam, Andrea, and we only have so many fingers to plug up so many holes. Carry no guilt, those to blame knew who they were. Your goodness over the years should outweigh any regrets on this one. Good luck in the contest. Viv x
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Date: 10/16/2016 9:52:00 PM
Andrea, You could not have seen the future. That is not your cross to bear. You just don't have all of the facts. You are a sweet decent human being. Don't be so rough on yourself.
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Date: 10/16/2016 9:41:00 PM
Its sad the evil ones bring such guilt to the nice ones, this is so heart felt and its easy to judge with hind-site, but I am sure today you would react very different, the honesty of this poem is so refreshing and shows only what a kind heart you have always had! Hugs!
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Date: 10/16/2016 8:52:00 PM
Yes it's far too common these days, abused children. Good luck in the contest Andrea /|\
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Date: 10/16/2016 8:07:00 PM
Read it and got it in one sitting, but tears are running out of my heart. When I was a teenager there was a little boy that I watched for a short time one day. He loved to have me cuddle him and didn't want to leave with his mother. But there was nothing I could do. Don't know the situation, he didn't appear neglected. But something had to be wrong. So sad. Your poem is so poignant and true. Well written. Beverly
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Date: 10/16/2016 7:56:00 PM
Awesome poem full of feelings. You have a heart of gold. Wish you a win in the contest. Regards. -Mohammad
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Date: 10/16/2016 6:55:00 PM
Such a sad story Andrea. You were probably to naïve to even notice. It pains me to think of the things happening to the children.
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