I am sick unto death of obscure English towns that exist seemingly for the sole accommodation of these so-called limerick writers -- and even sicker of their residents, all of whom suffer from physical deformities and spend their time dismembering relatives at fancy dress balls.
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One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his ass. True story. He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all, but the next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a week later in the mall and he's buying another cat. And I says to him, 'Jesus, Walt! You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck in your ass too. Why don't you knock it off ?' And he said to me, 'Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out ?' My cousin was a weird guy.
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One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his ass. True story. He bought it at the local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all. But the next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with a trip to the emergency room. Then, last week, I saw him in the pet store. He was buying another cat! I said, 'Walt, what the hell are you doing? You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too, why don't you knock it off?' And he says to me, 'Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?' My cousin was a weird guy.
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Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.
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Friends, both the imaginary ones you build for yourself out of phrases taken from a living writer, or real ones from college, and relatives, despite all the waste of ceremony and fakery and the fact that out of an hour of conversation you may have only five minutes in which the old entente reappears, are the only real means for foreign ideas to enter your brain.
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Nobody has ever before asked the nuclear family to live all by itself in a box the way we do. With no relatives, no support, we've put it in an impossible situation
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God gives us our relatives -- thank God we can choose our friends.
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My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere.
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Behind every successful man is a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law.
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Nobody has ever before asked the nuclear family to live all by itself in a box the way we do. With no relatives, no support, we've put it in an impossible situation.
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The women who take husbands not out of love but out of greed, to get their bills paid, to get a fine house and clothes and jewels; the women who marry to get out of a tiresome job, or to get away from disagreeable relatives, or to avoid being called an old maid -- these are whores in everything but name. The only difference between them and my girls is that my girls gave a man his money's worth.
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We, the soldiers who have returned from battles stained with blood; we who have seen our relatives and friends killed before our eyes; we who ...
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1 Timothy 5:8:
Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
(NIV)
If anyone fails to provide for his relatives, and especially for those of his own family, he has disowned the faith [by failing to accompany it with fruits] and is worse than an unbeliever [who performs his obligation in these matters].
(AMP)
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
(KJV)
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Fate chooses our relatives, we choose our friends.
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The chain of wedlock is so heavy that it takes two to carry it -- and sometimes three.
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Man has three friends on whose company he relies. First, wealth which goes with him only while good fortune lasts. Second, his relatives; they go only as far as the grave, leave him there. The third friend, his good deeds, go with him beyond the grave.
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In wealth many friends in poverty, not even relatives.
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The welfare of animal citizens is as much our concern as is that of other humans. Surely if we are all God’s creatures, if all animal species are capable of feeling, if we are all evolutionary relatives, if all animals are on the same biological continuum, then also we should all be on the same moral continuum—and if it is wrong to inflict suffering upon an innocent and unwilling human, then it is wrong to so treat another species.
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Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
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Man has three friends on whose company he relies. First, wealth which goes with him only while good fortune lasts. Second, his relatives they go only as far as the grave, leave him there. The third friend, his good deeds, go with him beyond the grave.
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When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them. But when they are away, we console ourselves for their absence by dwelling on their vices.
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God gives us our relatives- thank God we can choose our friends.
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A close relative is one you see occasionally between family funerals.
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Friends are relatives you make for yourself.
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If the Great Way perishes there will morality and duty. When cleverness and knowledge arise great lies will flourish. When relatives fall out with one another there will be filial duty and love. When states are in confusion there will be faithful servants.
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God gives us our relatives--thank God he lets us choose our friends.
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Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself.
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Genesis 12:1:
The LORD had said to Abram, 'Go from your country, your people and your father's household to the land I will show you.'
(NIV)
NOW [in Haran] the Lord said to Abram, Go for yourself [for your own advantage] away from your country, from your relatives and your father's house, to the land that I will show you. [Heb. 11:8-10.](AMP)
Now the LORD had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father's house, unto a land that I will shew thee:
(KJV)
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We live in an atmosphere of shame. We are ashamed of everything that is real about us; ashamed of ourselves, of our relatives, of our incomes, of our accents, of our opinions, of our experience, just as we are ashamed of our naked skins.
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The advice would be the same for any kind of fiction. Keep writing, and keep sending things out, not to friends and relatives, but to people who have the power to buy. A lot of additional, useful tips could be added, but this is fundamental.
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