Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.
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A man must pay the fiddler, in my case it so happened that a whole symphony orchestra often had to be subsidized.
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You never know how short a month is until you pay alimony.
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If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company; I've got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner.
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In Genesis, it says that it is not good for a man to be alone but sometimes it is a great relief.
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Die I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.
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Happiness sneaks through a door you didn't know that you left open.
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Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn
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Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.
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A man must properly pay the fiddler. In my case it so happened that a whole symphony orchestra had to be subsidized.
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America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one dollar and use it up in two weeks.
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The way to fight a woman is with your hat. Grab it and run.
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My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere.
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You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.
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A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.
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The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.
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Method acting? There are quite a few methods. Mine involves a lot of talent, a glass and some cracked ice.
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Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
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Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.
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John Barrymore: you should play Hamlet. Jimmy Durante: To hell with them small towns. I’ll stick to New York.
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