There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.
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Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist -- it reduces him to his fighting weight.
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Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.
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Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from non-practitioners.
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About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
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As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.
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Josh Billings said, It is not only the most difficult thing to know oneself, but the most inconvenient one, too. Human beings have always employed an enormous variety of clever devices for running away from themselves, and the modern world is particularly rich in such stratagems.
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It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient.
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Advice is like castor oil, easy to give, but dreadful to take.
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The miser and the glutton are two facetious buzzards: one hides his store, and the other stores his hide.
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As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand
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After enlightenment, the laundry.
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The happiest time in a man's life is when he is in the red hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.
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Laughing is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one spot.
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As long as we are lucky we attribute it to our smartness; our bad luck we give the gods credit for.
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Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
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Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail then you can let go when you want to.
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A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
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One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.
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It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those that we intend to commit.
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There are people who are always anticipating trouble, and in this way they manage to enjoy many sorrows that never really happen to them.
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Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
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Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.
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Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does.
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Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves.
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A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
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Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
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Every man has his follies -- and often they are the most interesting thing he had got.
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Good nonsense is good sense in disguise.
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I never question a success, any more than I do the right of a bulldog to lie in his own gateway.
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