Poetry Forum

thechainedmuse - all messages by user

10/7/2017 7:45:38 PM
A Ballad - The Sea	The Sea My sleeping spirit wakes As the town’s vespers Climb the stairless sky And the sea whispers. The rushing waves crash On the craggy Shores of consciousness And the seawhispers. Like an ancient song Or some sailor's dirge Which the pale waves hum As the seas surge. Through the hidden grottoes And deep cavern waters; The countless demesnes Through which she whispers. Through some magic seashell On some antique shore Echoing, a thousand words Of sage like lore. On the earthly sod, Of buried treasures And sunken ships She quiet whispers. Like a forlorn nymph Weeping sorrowful rivers In some hallowed cave, As the sea whispers; Hoping for love’s tidings, Her quiet vespers Over boundless seas Softly, she whispers. Like a sinking swan With broken feathers Whose soul flies On the sea's whispers. So my dreaming spirit Slumber enters As clouds veil the moon, And the sea whispers. edited by thechainedmuse on 10/7/2017
10/15/2017 1:11:35 AM
A Ballad - The Sea	Hi, Thanks for both the comments. Sorry I did not get back earlier. Honestly, interesting point. While the idea of making them all tercets and adding and the sea whispers only at the end seems A bit off in my opinion personally, I will take a look out how the variation is effected. I would only say that the poem is meant to be strophic, it is meant to be recited aloud. I know just reading this kind of poem is kind of like reading a musical score, where while some will find it interesting, what anyone wants it for the score to come alive, for the music to come alive. So I will look at that, the idea of preserving "And the Sea whispers" for the end, let's say first and last stanza, and then changing things up throughout the development, you have an interesting point. I will go chew on it. I find editing finished poems like this the most painful part! Thanks a lot! Please check out my site if you would like to see a variety of stuff. www.thechainedmuse.com edited by thechainedmuse on 10/15/2017
10/15/2017 1:56:37 AM
Advice for a beginner	Michael, I remember my first few attempts and the most important thing is courage and following one's heart. So never stop either of those. However, most important, which many forget today is the heart also has laws, just like the sun or stars or sky. The heart has musicality. The heart is not irrational. Even the most seemingly impulse and irrational feeling, one can find out, there actually lies a reason for this seemingly out of nowhere emotion. All that is just to say that you want to look at form. If one is painting, or drawing, one of the best things they can do is copy and follow a master. Learn how to go through the same process of discovery, to undergo the same requirements of grace and beauty, where the heaviness of one's hand, the hesitation in one's stroke, all that disappears, and naught remains but the living and free idea. Think of approaching the poem with quatrains. The best examples are those of Goethe and Heine, in terms of a simple yet grate and wonderful pieces. Here's Heine I don’t believe in Heaven, Whose peace the preacher cites: I only trust your eyes now, They’re my heavenly lights. I don’t believe in God above, Who gets the preacher’s nod: I only trust your heart now, And have no other god. I don’t believe in Devils, In hell or hell’s black art: I only trust your eyes now, And your devil’s heart. Here's Goethe: The Nearness of the Belovèd Johann Wolfgang von Goethe I think of you when the gleam of sunlight Shines upon the sea; I think of you when the shimmer of the moon Is painted on the fountains. I see you when the dust is rising From the distant path; When in the deep of night upon the narrow way The wanderer trembles. I hear you when the muffled wave Is rising there. In the quiet grove I often go to listen When all is silent. I am with you. Be you yet so far away, You are near me. The sun declines, soon the stars will shine on me. O! If only you were there! In your little poem, while it lacks form, there was an idea of a turn, at the end, which is good. And you see it also with what Goethe and Heine do by tricking you and only right at the end introducing something that transforms the meaning, and basically let's you know there is this higher order that governs the entire poem - things are not what they seem. It's at that point that the mind is challenged. While one could go on explaining. I think too much literary criticism and discussion can be harmful, because beauty should feel as it nature. Nature, which while it appears comely free, completely untethered is yet governed by universal principles. I would focus on reading great poets, looking at their forms, see how they are doing things, and let that inspire you and help you find your own voice as your skills and instincts all become sharper. Buy a book of Heinrich Heines poems, you won't regret it. edited by thechainedmuse on 10/15/2017
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