Poetry Forum

KaiJai - all messages by user

3/27/2012 6:49:45 AM
please comment on my poem 'being human'.	Because sometimes I just feel like a freak. Because sometimes You just don’t see me. Because I’m halfway out of the dark, And I’m still practicing Being human. Because I crave the simplicity, Yet I thrive in anarchy. Because I hate when you make me scream, Yet I love every minute of it. Because I’m halfway out of the dark, And I’m still practicing Being human. Because your voice Turns my mind into mental soup. Because your insanity Turns mine into nothing. Because I’m halfway out of the dark, And I’m still practicing Being human. But being human Might just be the hardest thing.
3/27/2012 6:55:01 AM
What hopes	the fact that it is in one stanza makes it seem as if it is in a rush. i like it but if you want it to read slower i suggest separating into more stanzas
3/30/2012 10:53:01 AM
this is a revised version of my poem "being human"	Because sometimes I just feel like a freak. Misused. Misunderstood. And just plain missing. Because sometimes You just don’t see me. Like I’m hiding From everything. In plain sight And unnoticed. Because I’m half way out of the dark And I’m still practicing… Because I crave the simplicity. Of being human. And just plain being… Yet I thrive in the anarchy. Of never knowing. Anything. Because I hate the way You make me scream. In pain. In strife. In like. Because I’m half way out of the dark And I’m still practicing Being human. Because your voice Makes my mind rot. Makes me forget. Makes me want. Makes me pray. Because your insanity Turns mine into Ash. Dust. Nothing. Because I’m half way out of the dark And I’m still practicing Being human. And the hardest thing to do Just might be Being human. edited by KaiJai on 4/4/2012
4/4/2012 7:09:27 AM
"the voices"	I love the feel and flow. It has a very mystical feel. Though the lack of punctuation gives it an almost desperate feeling.
5/8/2012 3:49:25 PM
First Poem. Hope it's at least adequate!	very adequate. all though i feel as if lines 7, 9, and13 ends are very abrupt. the last words of these lines dont seem to give off the same feel as the rest. Just give it a thought. very well done
5/8/2012 3:52:52 PM
Poem entitled 'Paper'	I honestly have nothing to say improvment wise other than why no periods? Other than that lovely flow. I am in love with the last two lines of the first stanza.
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