Poetry Forum

Dunesong - all messages by user

8/20/2013 2:50:44 PM
Lies Lies Lies	the images are strong. I lkie that. I agree with the last line being a problem for me its the imagery in the last line. what does a stain look like its sort of shapeless and weightless which does not fit with all the sinking weighted down imagery i think you are trying to express. stones might be a better word choice
9/13/2013 12:09:21 PM
BRAND new writer, a little nervous. Help!	i like this i get that you want the hands to be in an eternal cycle of life but i think the ending breaks the timeline of the maturing aging hands theme the last four lines starting with hands new to the one that starts on and on i would either remove them or i would end with something that evoked (sounded more like) the first line like tiny, plump new the hands of time are never ceasing edited by Dunesong on 9/13/2013
12/4/2013 6:47:33 PM
New here first poem for critique	I really like the scheme of using the repetition its just me but i think the words missing in the last verse should be there "of', "that kept me"
12/29/2013 11:39:12 AM
It is the season	I think you do not mean it that way but the second line to me reads as if you are suggesting the reader remember the sins of friends.
1/9/2014 12:01:55 PM
my poem nightly theater	thanks i did a major rewrite including a name change to twilight circus. still not happy but its better
1/12/2014 2:58:04 PM
Do your worst!	? you do not seem to have any poems posted? can not critique what can not be found.
5/19/2014 12:01:57 AM
Looking for advice on how to improve	the first line starts in sunlight and then the rest stays in moonlit dreams until the last where sunlight /dawn chases her away. the first line is pretty but it seems wasted as a scene setter. could i suggest you use a starlit drop of rain or a starlit tear
5/19/2014 12:13:15 AM
my poem nightly theater	i like the idea of a cricket Calliope will have to think how to change that first verse again thanks
6/18/2014 11:27:37 AM
To hear the sickle reap	I feel the last two lines do not fit together in a grammatical sense. i think either line three should read something more like ... I'd think you'd not want-- or if you left line three alone then line four should read something like ... when the sickle reaps edited by Dunesong on 6/18/2014
10/12/2015 2:21:17 AM
they like the poems better than the poets	just for the fun of it I do a semi annual search of some of my best work. and in the last five years or so I have twice found my work out there - floating around the internet copied and passed on by random strangers. this is the good thing. the bad thing is they think my name is "Anonymous".
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