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Forum Home » Be Gentle » New here first poem for critique

Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
11/23/2013 11:14:17 PM

Mary Thompson
Posts: 2
Was It Foolish Times


Foolish times
foolish times
was my life always
foolish times!

Fitting in
fitting in
was it foolish times
I needed for
fitting in!

Looking good
looking good
was it foolish times of
fitting in that kept me
looking good!

Silly fool
silly fool
was it foolish times of
fitting in that kept me
looking good
silly fool!

In love
in love
was it foolish times of
fitting in that kept me
looking good
silly fool
in love!

Foolish times
fitting in
looking good
silly fool
in love
was all it was!


Author: Mary Thompson
Feb. 2000
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12/4/2013 6:47:33 PM

Luann Pfost
Posts: 15
I really like the scheme of using the repetition
its just me but i think the words missing in the last verse should be there

"of', "that kept me"
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12/18/2013 4:02:45 PM

Just That Archaic Poet
Posts: 89
I'm not a fan of "free-verse" per se, but I must compliment you for your style. I have written a few free-verse or non-rhyming pieces, and to me, the most important element in the non-rhyming styles is EMPHASIS, which you did quite well with your repetition of certain words and ideas. To me, that's an example of good free-verse and non-rhyme. I think your poem is great, but my forte is rhyme, so I have little authority on the non-rhyme genres, I'm afraid. Kudos to you, nonetheless!
edited by JustLivingLies on 12/18/2013
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