Depersonalized, Same As Being Dead
I remember the dream of who I was,
When I was; Now I feel I don't exist
Not even when I slit my wrist
I am stuck in surrealness,
Surrounded by a script
From which my once loved ones
Read, and search to find me inside
But I am gone.
I am so far away, lost forever inside this shell of a body.
No; it's more than a shell.
This body is my cage.
My cage of fear and a numbing love
17, and this is where I am
Alone, cold, hungry for the basic human instincts that you take for granted
Starved of the feeling of owning your body, your mind, your emotions, your soul
But no one will ever understand
I will always sound like a rambling nutcase, a painfully awkward memory
I will never feel real again, the world will never feel like home
What I lost is something that I can't get back.
I lost my self, and for 5 years I have been empty
Emptiness is all I know now
And there is no way for me to explain the deep, terrifying hole my sense of existence has fallen into
All I can do is type on my keyboard, a letter to a stranger, in the hopes of someone understanding what I mean
I am no longer real in my own perception.
I have no interests, disinterests, I have no ownership of my self
You are not real, the world is not real, your words are scripted and off-key
And mine are too, so let's be friends.
Copyright © Rebecca Valdivia | Year Posted 2017
|