Depersonalized, Same As Being Dead

I remember the dream of who I was, When I was; Now I feel I don't exist Not even when I slit my wrist I am stuck in surrealness, Surrounded by a script From which my once loved ones Read, and search to find me inside But I am gone. I am so far away, lost forever inside this shell of a body. No; it's more than a shell. This body is my cage. My cage of fear and a numbing love 17, and this is where I am Alone, cold, hungry for the basic human instincts that you take for granted Starved of the feeling of owning your body, your mind, your emotions, your soul But no one will ever understand I will always sound like a rambling nutcase, a painfully awkward memory I will never feel real again, the world will never feel like home What I lost is something that I can't get back. I lost my self, and for 5 years I have been empty Emptiness is all I know now And there is no way for me to explain the deep, terrifying hole my sense of existence has fallen into All I can do is type on my keyboard, a letter to a stranger, in the hopes of someone understanding what I mean I am no longer real in my own perception. I have no interests, disinterests, I have no ownership of my self You are not real, the world is not real, your words are scripted and off-key And mine are too, so let's be friends.