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Misery

misery
should be renamed life
because i know
it's the way i live
stuck under a black cloud
struck with mourning and grief
deep feelings
wrapped in a blanket
that should comfort
but only burns
in the deepest well
with ungranted wishes
hope and faith
that's been demolished
what should i believe
when i'm covered in this disease
they call freedom
in this trap
they call my mind
the place......
i hold the most darkness
my heart
should shine with light
but all it does is fight
off the demons
i call emotions
the soul
just a hole
emptiness
i want to devour
what makes me smile
but there's not enough
to make me full
when all i have are my words
that make my outsides
not so tough
because i want to release
my troubled blood
and bleed on you
so you understand
just a fraction of my pain
the aching i feel
destroying this 
tender shell of a body
forcing me to age
with every stage
i've gone through
in my short years
this world is seen
as a beautiful place
but i just can't
not without love
not when all there is
is fear
when all i hear
is my own stupidity
floating inside of me
i'm like a tree
among others
swaying in the wind
but i'm just still
if i could only find the will
to be who i need
if i could only
hold my own hand
i could march on
and believe
that this life
is more than just misery

Copyright © Nancy Perez | Year Posted 2008

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Book: Reflection on the Important Things