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Jacen Cieno Poem
Don't let the title fool you,
life is nothing close to wonderful.
I am starting to loathe this
thing called life I am living.
Sometimes I wish I would
slip into a coma until
death took me.
I really don't think many
will really miss me.
I feel I don't matter to anyone
outside of my family.
I am tolerated,
shown a gesture,
when I am stand in
someone's presence.
I wish I could live
the movie for a few minutes.
See if I really make a difference
in this world,
in the lives of my friends,
or acquaintances.
Maybe I could see rather or not
I really mean a damn
to anyone.
Maybe it's best to consider
living this life alone.
It's what I do best.
I just wish it was more of
a wonder life.
Copyright © Jacen Cieno | Year Posted 2013
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Jacen Cieno Poem
I feel like I am trapped.
This hell,
this place of torment,
that never ends.
I fear I will never
get out.
Never get beyond
the grasp of here.
I feel I live in limbo,
existing, but not living.
My decisions are not my own.
My actions are made based on
others.
Yet here I stay,
without having anywhere
else to go.
I do not like anything about this,
I wish I could fight against it,
but what are the consequences?
Where could I go?
How would I live?
I want out of this place so bad,
these walls confine me,
this containment kills me,
I really hate this prison
I am in.
Copyright © Jacen Cieno | Year Posted 2013
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Jacen Cieno Poem
How does one cope with disappointment?
To know that you have become
your own worst nightmare.
To know that others do not see you
as you see you.
Maybe you thought you weren't
the problem.
To find out that you are labeled
annoying, a jerk, a complete ass.
To look at yourself in the mirror
and hate who you have become.
To not even associate with the people
you have offended.
Not knowing if you can pick of the pieces
and move on.
Hoping that change can come quickly,
so that you do not feel as I do right now.
Not wanting to feel like this ever again.
Copyright © Jacen Cieno | Year Posted 2013
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Jacen Cieno Poem
I have a fear,
still residing within me.
The fear of my own
stupidity.
The fear of living this life alone.
Maybe it is fitting that I deserve to be
this way.
To know that only one could have ever
accepted as I was.
Yet I did not truly deserve her.
But that is behind me now.
To give up the only thing
I thought I wanted,
what I thought I needed.
Yet after the fact,
it wasn't something I truly
was ready for.
I have finally seen myself
for who and what I am.
I do not know if I will ever get
another chance.
If I will ever be accepted by another.
As I look at the conditions
in my life,
the lacking,
the unwanted qualities,
and characteristics.
From the material to the immaterial,
maybe it is best if this life be lived
as I know it best.
The way I live right now, alone.
Copyright © Jacen Cieno | Year Posted 2013
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Jacen Cieno Poem
I do not know what has
come over me.
The passion I had,
the emotions are gone.
My heart has become
dormant once again.
My once lively flame
has become snuffed out.
I do not know why this
has happened.
At this junction in my life,
at this opportune moment.
The one who loved me,
as I am now.
And I feel nothing
in return.
It is unfair,
unbalanced, and tragic.
I never thought this could
happen to me.
Every emotion and thought I had
is now gone.
I am completely empty
which leaves me a complete mess.
Copyright © Jacen Cieno | Year Posted 2012
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Jacen Cieno Poem
It takes a word,
a jab,
to poke fun at,
regardless of the meaning.
From a inconsequential moment,
to a serious talk.
From being critiqued,
to a mean spirited attack.
It takes time to see
what the author is trying
to say.
What was the motive?
What was the thought behind it?
Was the author doing it for their benefit
or the one they spoke about?
Why do we become so quick to
react to a word,
that may or may not be aimed
at someone?
Why should a light hearted topic
become an out of control debate?
Yet at the end of the day,
the author must choose the words
wisely,
not for his or her sake,
but for the one they are speaking to.
May the words not become knives.
Copyright © Jacen Cieno | Year Posted 2013
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Jacen Cieno Poem
How can I move on from here?
How can I forget what I felt?
Yet I do not have it in me anymore.
My love has faded away.
I do not know why.
My feelings and emotions have left.
I had really checked out for good.
I thought maybe I would
try again for her sake.
And now I have only hurt her more.
The silence in me kills,
tortures her so much.
I only want to stop this pain
and end it for her benefit.
Either way, there isn't
a happy ending.
I feel pain, and my heart
burdens me for what is to come.
Because she will be overwhelmed
with pain,
a broken heart,
and eyes filled with tears.
Where do I go from here.
Copyright © Jacen Cieno | Year Posted 2012
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Jacen Cieno Poem
After countless hours of thought,
of looking at myself
through a microscope.
Dissecting the issues and problems
I see in myself.
I conclude that I am not more
than a corrupted man.
My mind wanders,
filled with despair and darkness.
My heart voided,
the passion I had removed.
I am not good for anyone,
I am not worthy to be in
the public's presence.
It would be better to ignore me
than to give me attention.
Maybe then I will see that it is me
that has the problems.
Issues I can only see,
after the fact of embarrassing myself.
Affecting everyone around me,
like a virus.
The room becomes grey,
a little more pessimism,
darker still.
Maybe I could blame how I was
treated for countless years.
Maybe I could find some reason for
the way I am now.
But here I am,
after everything
is said and done.
My outcome is everything I wish
it wasn't.
I do not want to be who I once was,
I do not wish to corrupt anyone else,
or to allow myself to affect those
I hold dear.
I must contain this plague that
is within my heart.
Copyright © Jacen Cieno | Year Posted 2013
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Jacen Cieno Poem
It's what I do best,
doing whatever it is,
alone.
Not having to worry about
interfering with other people.
No one needs to go out of their
way for me.
Yet I seem to have people
ask, "why?".
I ask, "why not?"
Some ask me why do I not
offer others,
invite them to what I do.
The sad truth is,
I do.
I am cancelled on,
blatantly ignored,
given every excuse
imaginable.
Then I end up doing what
I planned to do,
alone.
Why must I create heartache
when none is needed?
Why must I get hopes up
of people wanting to spend
time with me?
Why should I ask people
when all I get is a "No....."?"
Why spend one more second
thinking about the countless
number of rejections I receive?
Maybe this is why I prefer
my solo act.
Copyright © Jacen Cieno | Year Posted 2013
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Jacen Cieno Poem
The moment has come,
although the deadline is not near.
I approach my decision with haste
and rational thinking.
There is not much left for me to do,
except wait.
Keeping emotions sidelined,
as it should be.
Not allowing "what ifs" or
"if onlys" play in my head.
Being logical and seeing
things for what they are.
No longer ignoring what I turned
my head from knowing
what I did.
I can only hope she see it
as I do.
I pray that she sees where I am
and knows what is coming.
Copyright © Jacen Cieno | Year Posted 2012
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