Life I Have Known

I have a fear, still residing within me. The fear of my own stupidity. The fear of living this life alone. Maybe it is fitting that I deserve to be this way. To know that only one could have ever accepted as I was. Yet I did not truly deserve her. But that is behind me now. To give up the only thing I thought I wanted, what I thought I needed. Yet after the fact, it wasn't something I truly was ready for. I have finally seen myself for who and what I am. I do not know if I will ever get another chance. If I will ever be accepted by another. As I look at the conditions in my life, the lacking, the unwanted qualities, and characteristics. From the material to the immaterial, maybe it is best if this life be lived as I know it best. The way I live right now, alone.