The Plague

After countless hours of thought, of looking at myself through a microscope. Dissecting the issues and problems I see in myself. I conclude that I am not more than a corrupted man. My mind wanders, filled with despair and darkness. My heart voided, the passion I had removed. I am not good for anyone, I am not worthy to be in the public's presence. It would be better to ignore me than to give me attention. Maybe then I will see that it is me that has the problems. Issues I can only see, after the fact of embarrassing myself. Affecting everyone around me, like a virus. The room becomes grey, a little more pessimism, darker still. Maybe I could blame how I was treated for countless years. Maybe I could find some reason for the way I am now. But here I am, after everything is said and done. My outcome is everything I wish it wasn't. I do not want to be who I once was, I do not wish to corrupt anyone else, or to allow myself to affect those I hold dear. I must contain this plague that is within my heart.