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Best Poems Written by Cristyna Small

Below are the all-time best Cristyna Small poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

Details | Cristyna Small Poem

Manic Depression

In a subtle way 
 She sighed 
 Even how he waited
 Why won’t the sky fall tonight?
 Why are these memories mine?
 I could take him in my arms 
tonight
 And I could take this PAIN
 And what if it never rains…
Can I kiss these clouds 
goodbye?

 Underneath his spell
 And safe in between his smile
 It was the subtle way he sighed 
 And so desperately he waited
Without him in my arms tonight
  All I can feel is PAIN
  And these clouds never fade

 Why are these memories mine?
WHY ARE THESE MEMORIES 
MINE?

Details | Cristyna Small Poem

Sweet Baby Boy

My sweet baby boy,
You’re no where in sight
How my heart aches to hold you,
Kiss you good night
Tell you bedtime stories
Plug in a night light
It’s not fair
So very unfair
How I lost you
I let you down
Please remember mommy loves you
Hates herself
Can’t stand the truth
Mommy doesn’t have you
Doesn’t even know you
Need to find a way
Back to you
Rage my son
My little baby boy
My head held low
Ashamed of what ~ I’ve done
It’s your birthday
2 years today
April 23rd the day you were born
Held you in my arms
Only to let you go
I can’t stand it
Look myself in the mirror
Tears won’t stop
Falling from my eyes
Intense unhappiness
Without you
RAGE ~ my son
Sweet baby boy

Details | Cristyna Small Poem

Life

As
 I look back into my life I have realized how lucky I am to be here today,
 Still smiling still breathing  
Able to say I survived the trials and tribulations this cold world has inflicted upon me and still here I stand.. 
Yes I stand with both feet on the ground 
My head held high 
With intensions to never look back 
But ahead in life 
To prepare myself to be able
 To continue on with this life… 
I must live..

Details | Cristyna Small Poem

Mine


When I think of you it hurts
At the same time a smile upon my face
You’re constantly on my mind
Sweet son of mine
I have to wait
I’ll wait forever if that’s what it takes
To be with you
My dreams will finally be reality
No more wondering
No more crying
At last I have you
My arms are open
Waiting for you
Sweet son of mine
There’s no limit to the time I’ll wait
My love for you will never get tired
Nor will it ever change
You’ll always be my son
No matter how far away
They can try
But they'll NEVER
Truly~Take you
AWAY

Details | Cristyna Small Poem

I Made It This Way

As time passes
So do all the new things you learn
	Unable to watch you grow
Hurts more than  I can handle
Pain so deep
Hidden within
	Fighting its way to the surface
Wanting to explode
My heart  never  as whole
	As it did the day I held you in my arms
Looking back at me
Your innocent eyes
So precious ~ So pure
	Perfect little baby
My perfect baby boy
How can you forgive me
Letting you go
	My son
Never know how much mommy loves you
	Replays in my mind over and over again
Why you’re gone
Reality of it all
Mommy let you go
  Gave up on what I was born to do…
	Have
Love and protect you 
All the wonderful things mommy was supposed to do
HATE ME
Kills me inside
	Leaves me numb
Realize ~ I didn’t choose you
When all you needed was me
		FAILED
I failed at what God blessed me with
  Baby boy
		Sorry
I miss you everyday
Want to lie down
	Just die
Cold
     Dark
           Alone inside
I made it this way
My baby
	Not you….

Details | Cristyna Small Poem

The Untitled

 
    Confusion feeds like a savage inside her,
Leaving nothing considered worthy remains.
Destined to walk through life less ordinary
Alone, exiled, different and disdained.
Never completely revealing anything to anyone
Feelings of invisible chains corner her
When she dreams, reality shatters before her very eyes
Accomplishments she strives for just at hands grasp
At times the glimmer in her calm eyes slowly disappears
But within her heart a silent flame
This is madness, she thinks in plaintive cry.
I'm here, on the cusp, of lay down and die.
But yet you continue clinging to what is left over,
your depression grows deeper,
Pulling you apart at the seams,
Causing you to unravel and fall to you knees,
"How much worse can it be? "
The body - The mind controls and manipulates.
As the poison enters the veins and circulates.
Cold dark thoughts of suicide
Why don't I do it tonight?
No matter how heavy my heart,
Or how dark the moment may be.
There’s only me.

Details | Cristyna Small Poem

Watchful Eyes

I face the world with a SMILE; no one knows what is hid inside.
  They see only happiness, can’t see the tears I've cried
  When I am alone I HURT, because here I do it well.
 
	In front of all the watchful eyes my HEAVEN turns to HELL.
  The judge and jury awaits me, everyone has a say.
  In a life that hangs suspended for yet another day.
  Who are they to judge if what I have done is right or WRONG?
  Why do they stare? Trying to look concerned about what happens to me, **** YOU…..
 
	They say that life goes on and someday I'll SMILE again.
  But, how do they know my pain without being where I've been?
  I'm trapped, stuck under earth, so **** what you THINK
  I Deserve... I've been DEAD since BIRTH..

Details | Cristyna Small Poem

Run Or Hide

Where do you run
When you're scared of yourself?
To the liquid in the pipe
Or the pills on the shelf?
   	To escape the life
 	You once loved to live
 	Anything to have that life back
 	You would surely give
suffocating in a big white cloud
And dope that makes you forget
But this you cannot escape
And this life comes with a debt
 	A debt not of money or goods
 	Not a dime or a dollar sign
 	But the love and devotion 
 	Now, it’s gone and you cannot find
Your baby’s love
Your trust for the system
It just blew into the wind
With one big gust
 	Now drowning a in a puddle
 	And sniffing a thin white line
 	Was it really worth breaking
 	All our hearts including mine?
But I find myself
In an awkward place
I both pity and despise you
This is not often the case
 	I ask you now
 	Why would you, how could you?
  	that baby taken away
 	That person I loved thought I knew
And then I think
How pitiful you are
And how bad to you
This will soon scar
 	So I offer my help
 	And my hand I freely give
 	So make your choice
 	Do you die, or do you live?

Details | Cristyna Small Poem

Simply True Love

Sitting here 
Counting down the minutes 
Silently in my head
Waiting, until the moment
I’m in your arms
	I love you so much
Can’t wait to feel the tenderness of
Your touch
The sweetness of your voice
I can never hear too much
   When we’re apart ~ I feel lost
Just drifting along
When I see you
Overcome with joy
Unable to control this feeling
	You’re so RAD 
You leave me speechless
	It’s you and I baby ~ For all time
This ride we’re on much like a roller coaster
	Excitement ~ Thrill
Unaware of what’s around the next bend
Knowing that what ever it is… It’s going to be great
   Can’t get you off my mind 
	I think of the future
And I see you in my life
When I think of you ~ A smile upon my face
  It’s you who has my heart
		Beyond lust or a little crush
	~Simply true love~
Love, others can only hope for
And so much more…..
	
The Secondhand Emotion. Cristyna Small

Details | Cristyna Small Poem

Raining Novas

13 Days~ of confusion 
Lost inside her head
Sees no other way
  Today ~ Is the Day
Don’t miss me
I can’t stand me
  He’ll be better ~ Without me?
Forget it 
Hurt you, Hurt you
  Or me? 
Helpless laughter
Replaces screams of
  Disaster 
Can’t find a solution
 To cure my CONFUSION
Did I do it? 
Did I let it happen?
I can’t take it anymore
Where’s my baby
Where’s my little boy
Can’t have him
I’m not enough
Then WHY are you?
Hurts so much
INSIDE… 
HURT HURT
HURTS….
Does it hurt him?
Will he know how much it HURT me?
Taken away, not allowed?
He is my baby, not yours…
Give him back
TAKE HIM??
But why would he want me?
You said I didn’t want him
Is that what you’ll tell him?