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Best Poems Written by Amanda Smith

Below are the all-time best Amanda Smith poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

Details | Amanda Smith Poem

No one really knows why I am the way I am. To know me, you'll have to go back in time.
You'll have to go back 7 years ago when I was 10 years old and find out that my life was far
from normal. Do you want to know why I am so truly messed up? If so, keep reading. If not,
you are on the wrong page.

I was 10 years old when I met a girl named Jania. I didn't know how much she would mean
to me when I met her. Since I was 10, she was the only one who was ever truly there for
me. I went to my towns BBQ with her and bumped into one of her friends. His name was
Connor and he did NOT look like one of the guys that lived in my town. He was dressed in all
black with his lack hair draped over his dark eyes. We started talking and realized that we
had more in common then we had originally thought. He invited us over to hang out with his
other friends, that's where I met his sister, Jessica. She was perfect and we soon started
dating. She was everything I ever wanted and she stole my heart. She was my world and
she showed me things that I never thought would be possible. I was amazed at how fast I fell
in love with her.

Jessica and Connor moved into an apartment in the city together after their mother got re-
married for the fourth time. It was her mother's phone call that pushed Jessica over the
edge. No one knows exactly what was said, but they know it was about her being with me.
Jessica stormed out of her apartment and started to walk to my house to come see me. She
was hit by a drunk driver and died on the sidewalk in her brother's arms at 14 years old.

I didn't know what happened when Connor showed up at my house at 2:00 am. With his
head hanging lower then I've ever seen it, Connor pressed a small gold necklace in the palm
of my hand, Jessica's.

I had never seen Connor cry before that night when we melted into each others arms, but
the whole time it was happening, all I could think about was Jessica. I can still feel her
holding me. I can see her smile and her bright eyes. I can smell her perfume and I can still
taste her lips on mine.

I was the only person that Connor would talk to. I knew that Connor would never be the
same. I didn't hear from Connor for a while. I went to his apartment to check up on him and
found him hanging from the staircase. I called the police and told them that 2 suicides had
been committed. I was going to be the second one.

CONTINUED IN PART 2

Details | Amanda Smith Poem

State of Mind

Time goes by. You're getting old. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. You're just another victim of time gone past. Being old isn't the number of years you've lived, but just a state of mind. The way you think is the way you live. If you let your mind grow old, it will soon die. Though your body still lives, your life will be over. It's just a state of mind. Death is but an escape from reality. It is only the weak who pray for the end of time rather then looking towards tomorrow as a new beginning. If you think you are young, you will live your whole life rather then just exist. It's just a state of mind.

Details | Amanda Smith Poem

To the End and Back Again Part 2

I found a knife in the kitchen and started cutting my wrist. I kept cutting until I lost so much
blood that I went unconscious. The next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital with
Jania beside me. She told the police and the hospital that she was my sister so they wouldn't
contact my parents.

When I could leave the hospital, I started to drink. I drank more then a 30 year old man
could. I ended up going into AA where I met 15 year old Noah. Maybe it was because he
reminded me so much of Connor, but we bonded so quickly. Noah was in a band that I
became a part of. I then met one of Noah's friends named Brandon. We started to date,
Brandon and I, and I thought he was everything that I needed. Brandon turned out to be
abusive and controlling. I couldn't leave him up until the night he raped me. The only reason
I could was because I hit him so hard in the head with the metal bat next to his bed that I
gave him a concussion. I ran from his house, and I ran right into Noah's arms. We dated for
a short period of time but ended up breaking up because we were too good of friends. We
still are friends to this day.

I dated a few people after him which led me to high school. I went to a school in a different
town. I met my current boyfriend named Pat. We were only dating a few months before I got
social anxiety and didn't leave my house for 6 months. I ended up having to transfer schools.
I had to come to my towns school so I could be in a special program for other people who
have the same problems that I do.

Jania joined the army about a year ago, and I met someone named Kevin. He was very
sweet and made me feel safe in Jania's absence. Like everyone else I've come to know,
Kevin left me alone, making me worse then I already was.

I found out a few days ago that Jania was killed in the war. Her legs were blown off and
because she was so small, she lost too much blood to survive. The girl that helped me
through everything is gone now. The people I've loved have all passed again and I will never
see them again. Nothing will ever be normal for me, and I will never feel safe. Maybe life
was planned out for me and all of this was supposed to happen. Maybe I was meant to be a
suicidal girl with anxiety, depression, anger management issues, trust issues, abandonment
issues and a recovering alcoholic. My life has given me the opportunity to love and cherish
every moment. So that's my life so far.

Sucks, doesn't it?

Best Poems Written by Amanda Smith

Take Me Away

Voices

Damien's Lullabye

Buried Alive

Carousel

Lies

He Is

To the End and Back Again

State of Mind

To the End and Back Again Part 2