Funny Woman Poems | Examples
These Funny Woman poems are examples of Woman poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Woman Funny poems written by international poets.
Wild-eyed, wild-haired comic, Phyllis Diller
Here’s why her female fans would cheer her:
“I heard housework just might kill a gal,” she’d pout
And then: “I don’t want to be the first to find out!”
is funny."
It isn’t funny, it’s Italian
with a capital I,
and true, and so
is ‘Moonstruck’.
It was a film my mother and I
would watch when we need
to connect
through overquoted lines
and summers
when we see the
“moonlight in the martini”
and knowing what it meant
and laughing, with shared understanding.
This poem, this tour
is moving on!
I heard my first
white-tailed sparrow
in the backyard tonight
while the peepers
were too loud
and before my neighbor
turned her awful lawn mower on
and made me say
un-quaker words.
there was a softness about the maiden that reminded me of a rose
she was elusive, but it made her somehow tantalizing
refined? yes Elegant? oh, my, yes!
She was holding a rose when I first spied her.
she seemed as subtle and sensitive as the rose
She was an artist's delight; her petals soft and delicate.
what is her name? I asked her mother
Lily, she told me.
I want to call her Rose, I said.
Funny you should say that; her grandmother was named Rose.
" All the funny jokes are a bit smutty" :( ~~ The poet~~
Such a sunny day, yet the lake was mine, not a soul to be seen.
Too good to be true the place to myself quieter than it had ever been.
Leaving my clothes beside a small bush I decided to go for a swim.
But when I came back everything was gone, left only a hat with a torn brim.
No undies no sox not a thing to put on, I had to cover all with that hat.
On the way home, an old woman laughed, “Oh my goodness what is that?“
“Madam if you were a lady you wouldn’t laugh at the predicament I am at"
She replied “ Well if you were a gentleman you would tip your hat !’’
There once was a woman named Fay
who would frighten most men away,
she was grossly fat
and most didn’t like that;
but the ones that did; begged to stay.
(Limerick)
05/14/2023
Funny, Bawdy, or Humorous Limerick
Sponsored by: Tania Kitchin
Rhymezone/HowManySyllables
Woman A and Woman B
Woman A speaks about Woman B
Don’t know what she sees in her husband for the life of me
I run in to the bathroom and meet Woman B
Woman A needs a day off, without delay she says if you ask me.
She is losing it; the funny farm will soon be part of her day.
I bolt as soon as I do my business, no reason to stay.
Best friends after work, A and B leave hand in hand.
I keep my mouth shut, not relishing this kind of quick sand.
She thinks she is all that my sister and I said.
She was blonde and magnificent. We wished her dead.
She came over to see us and she was funny and kind.
Scratch out those mean thoughts; please never mind.
She became our best friend, and the boys were attracted.
The ones she tossed aside could more easily be retracted.
We saw it was a huge advantage to have her as a friend.
She’s a terrific a boy magnet, whom we never lend.
his date on her way
speed-tidying apartment ~
a royal pigsty
Date written:12/30/2021
someone should clean the kitchen
it is grimy, greasy, there is a straw on the floor
a red straw which is way beyond a five second rule
I think it’s been there for two weeks now
I refuse to sweep,
I am thirty-five years ahead of you I tell my husband
He is the one messing up the stove top
there are bits of eggs there
where are mice when you need them?
They look pretty unassuming, mild, bland even the young boy said.
His father looked at his grandfather; they shared a silent laugh.
Tell us how unassuming they are after you grow up and cross one of them.
Or after you do anything at all that displeases one of them, the grandfather added.
They are lionesses, hurricanes, queens, owls, tsunamis, snakes and fevers.
The young boy stared at them. But aren’t Mommy and Grandma girls?
Women boy! Never forget that.
His sister came out and told all three of them off.
Woman in training, and she was only four.
Spam Caper
There once was a gorgeous lady named Pam.
Whose ardent passion was hot for canned Spam.
She went to market that day.
Nothing unusual, in any way.
Robbed a bank, and is now on the lamb!
August 5, 2020
10am PST
She once thought she was beautiful,
An island in the sea,
More than just a simple rose,
She was the complete majestic tree,
And she thought her beauty meant she was right,
Beauty equalled good,
Not realising her thoughts could be read,
Like a simple story book,
This led to men all praising her,
Agreeing with what she said,
They laughed at jokes, admired her smile,
To end up in her bed,
Until the day she had no friends,
Her troubled thoughts had been displayed,
Her beauty never made her good,
It just meant that she got laid.
Out there
With her flair for chasing inspiration
She draws you in her reason
Connecting dots and constellations
Tripping
She takes you by the hand
Her world as messy as her mind
You need a guide
And as you wade through her chaff
Her heaps of half thoughts
Her every whim expressed
The only thing you know for sure is
Out there exists
Date: 11.19.2019
Contest Name: Disarray
Sponsor: Nina Parmenter
I'm gonna tell you what I think
you think about me.
I think you think
you're the boss of me.
Think again Bubba..
I ask for so little
You refuse to open up your heart
Refuse to let me in
You turned our love into a game
Still think it’s funny
With me as your puppet
Begging you for more
Your heart is cold
Your heart is stone
All I ever wanted from you
Was a smile and a warm word
Acknowledgement you cared
It never came
You turned it to a game
A cruel sadistic game
Your heart is cold
Your heart is stone
AP: Honorable Mention 2021
Submitted on November 4, 2019 for contest PALE SHELTER sponsored by JOHN HAMILTON - RANKED 5TH