I looked up some Western insults, and then made this poem. Its supposed to be funny.
I had to discourage the love of Mary Lou My pals advised me what to do Just insult her the Texas way She'll set you free and go away. But Mary Lou heard on the grapevine of my plan, so decided down the road she could kick the can I told her that I'd rather cuddle a hornet than her She said, "it's your call, what you prefer" I was taken aback, tried something worse Said she'd eat anything that don't eat her first She acknowledged a diet would do her good And thanked me, because I understood. I said she was as full of wind as a bean eating horse She said "Yes, I talk too much, I have to change course" I couldn't believe this, the wedding was in a week Mary Lou wouldn't release, I was up a creek I thought Texas insults don't work I said "Your Mom should have thrown you away and kept the stork" She said "that's really funny, but it came from "Mae West" Still, I love your way with a jest." I said "Honestly, Mary, I just can't go through I can't get hitched, it's not what I want to do I want to drink with the guys, and play the field If I marry you, my fate is sealed." Mary smiled, said "OK, I'll go off with Tad" I felt hurt and asked, "you don't feel bad?" She said "You'll go far, and I hope you stay there" I said, "That really hurts, don't you care?" She said "you don't know what you are going to lose But it's your right to be wrong, your right to choose Far from me to ask you to stay: The mental hospital tried too many drugs on you today." My pals all laughed, said, "Son, you're beat She played your game, admit defeat!" Now I sit alone, just nursing my pride, The field turned out empty, and she could've been my bride.
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