Wiener Poems


Premium MemberWash Your Wiener

This ad came out before my day
But when I saw it I said “hey! hey! hey!”
I was about twelve or so, and it made me gay.
This wiener ad that was raunchy in every way.
Categories: wiener, 10th grade, 11th grade,
Form: Monorhyme

Premium MemberWiener Schnitzel Two-Step

Sir Dachsund dared
  sniff sorority shoes

The first ever-recorded
  hound-dog blues
Categories: wiener, dog, history, music, senses,
Form: Rhyme


Premium MemberThe Oscar Wiener Dog

A dachshund named Oscar was he,
which adored trick or treating with me,
so I had me some fun
when I sewed a cloth bun,
for a Halloween weenie he’d be. 

On his costume I added a trim
mustard yellow, but though he’s not slim,
he’s no Oscar Mayer,
so don’t raise his ire
by taking a bite out of him!
Categories: wiener, dog,
Form: Limerick

Wiener Schnitzel

Mr Wiener brags proficiency 
As he twitters his constituency.  
But badly, the hackage 
of a bulky package 
in his pants shows a deficiency.  



*The Online Slang Dictionary says ‘schnitzel’ is, “Any unacceptable or unwanted
substance.”  Example: “I’ve got schnitzel all over my shoe.”
Categories: wiener, funny, political
Form: Limerick

Congressman Wiener

With a name like Wiener....
What did you expect?

He thought everyone was in love with his weener!

Or is his a cocktail sausage?
Categories: wiener, funny
Form: Light Verse


Walkin' With My Wiener In My Hand......

(to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")

See the frost, watch it glisten
Too much beer, I'm on a mission
To write my name in the snow 
With a funny yellow glow
Walkin' with my wiener in my hand!

Got a trenchcoat that I'm wearing
So that I can do some "sharing"
Maybe my legs are too white
That gives 'em a fright
Walkin' with my wiener in my hand!

At the lounge we were chillin'
After time, my bladder's fillin'
I stagger left and then right
Hope I make it in time
Walkin' with my wiener in my hand!

Feels so good to drain my lizard
From behind I hear a whisper
"I hope you'll be done soon, 
'cause you're in the ladies room!"
Walkin' with my wiener in my hand!
Categories: wiener, funny, holiday, music, parody,
Form: Lyric

George Bush Has a Tiny Wiener

(This is a fictional poem)

My cousin discovered something embarrassing about George Bush when they 
were in the men's room together.
He lied when he told Bush that he'd keep it a secret forever.
The President has a wiener that is incredibly small.
He has to use a magnifying glass when he urinates because he can't see it at all.
His wiener is so small that it makes a tootsie roll look like a broomstick.
Bush is upset because all of America knows about his tiny ####.
Now that his secret is out, his wife is getting a divorce.
My two inch wiener used to embarrass me but compared to Bush, I'm hung like a 
horse.
Categories: wiener, funny, husband, wife, cousin,
Form: I do not know?

She Cut Off My Wiener

(This is a fictional poem)

My wife cut off my wiener while I was sleeping.
When I woke up, I started weeping.
I begged her to give it back so I could have it sewn back on.
I nearly died when she said it was gone.
She doused it in gasoline and burned it with a lighter.
I wasn't going to take this because I'm a fighter.
I invited her outside to have a fight.
I thought I'd win easily but she punched out my lights.
Every time I'd get up, she'd knock me back down.
It was embarrassing because she only weighs eighty pounds.
She cut off my wiener because she thought I was cheating.
I got my ### kicked when she gave me that beating.
She felt terrible when she learned that I hadn't cheated at all.
She cut off my #### and now all I have down there are my balls.
If you're a man, I have something to say to you.
Don't marry a wife like mine or you might lose your wiener too.
Categories: wiener, funny, husband, wife, wife,
Form: I do not know?
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