Mrs. Packer bought a weed whacker
So, her husband could trim the grass
But he was a slacker
Thus, ever after
The whacker was out of gas
Categories:
whacker, humor,
Form: Rhyme
A line trimmer doesn’t really eat;
That’s a trick that would be quite neat.
Instead, it tends to aerosolize,
Throw grass in your nose and rocks in your eyes.
Turns poison ivy to a fine mist;
I know you think I’m a fantasist.
The next event: the shower dash
Or you will break out in a rash.
Correctly named, it sure does whack
And aggravate my lower back.
Categories:
whacker, silly, work,
Form: Couplet
What kind of faerie has her very own kookaburra?
I do not own him, he is my best friend, the tree faerie said.
But he is always with you, helping you dust the willy whacker leaves.
He does that by himself, she told the elf. He has that covered.
And he helps you whistle that happy tune every day!
The faerie tried to be patient, but this elf was getting on her nerves.
I have always whistled the Joyfulness Song, even before I knew him.
What would you like the kookaburra to do for you?
I want him to be my best friend too, the elf admitted.
You can come to tea with us tomorrow, the faerie told him.
At two o’clock they had their tea and they became friends.
And the elf stopped being ridiculously jealous for no reason.
Categories:
whacker, fairy,
Form: Prose Poetry
I’m dumbstruck by the good luck
Of a woodchuck on a spree
The harmony of living well
And laughing heartily
But still, I often wonder
In a jungle canopy
If nature is the nurture
Of the forest or a tree
When lightning bolts and thunder
Break asunder by and by
They scare the ones down under
By the wonder in the sky
But they are not a vain glow
By the time I hear a sigh
For tears become a rainbow
When I hear a lullaby
I’m dumbstruck by the numb chuck
With a big truck full of wood
The hacker in a whacker
With a backer in the hood
For love is true devotion
By the notion that we should
The logic of emotion
By the healing hand of good.
Submitted to the
"Dumbstruck" Poetry Contest
on 8/12/2021
Sponsored by Charles Messina
Categories:
whacker, passion, planet, poverty,
Form: Rhyme
I’ll never forget What’s Her Name
The one with the long black hair that was always dying the tips?
No.
The one with the curly red hair who came on to me at the Christmas party?
WHAT Christmas party?
Never mind.
She was the one who had the goats she dyed pink.
Oh, yeah, I remember that one. Her sweaters were always too tight.
They were?
Don’t you remember that?
I certainly do not. Why would I be looking at her sweaters.
I look at him suspiciously. And why would you?
He dives into his eggs like a starving man.
The one who lived down the road.
What year? He is mumbling now, pretending his mouth is full.
The one with that crazy husband.
Oh, the guy who took his tractor apart in little bitty pieces?
No. The one who named his horse Patty Whacker.
Oh, yeah, What’s His Name.
You KNOW his name, I say. You used to go fishing with him.
I don’t remember that.
Every Saturday!
Her name was Sheila, he says. Knowing full well her name.
She was his cousin after all.
Now that I remember, I wish I had started with that.
Written 9-13-2019
Contest: I’ll Never Forget What’s Her Name
Sponsor: John Lawless
Categories:
whacker, age, memory, nostalgia,
Form: Free verse
(to be read out loud)
I'll eat the nibble naggle nooky nickel
nipple nappy mum mum mum
I'll chew your gooble gobble giggle gaggle
gimpy grampa's gum gum gum.
I'll call the wimpy wappy wiggle waggle
wacky wobble wum wum wum
I'll drink the wiggin' wimple whoopy whacker
wookie worker's rum rum rum.
Woo wow wee wah
Geegaw mee mah
Hee haw hoo har hey hey hey.
Mao moo mud muck
Wigwam poobah
Mad mook mick mack yay yay yay.
I'll have a murky muddle maple maggot
monkey marbles chum chum chum
I raised a ticky tacky tinky tonka
tailor's tiny thumb thumb thumb.
I'm really punky pickled pooka puckers
pitter patter dumb dumb dumb
I hear my diggle daggle doggy dingle
diddle daddled hum hum hum.
Categories:
whacker, humor, imagination, nonsense, silly,
Form: Rhyme
Me with a dog,owl,and parrot
Met a girl with a llama and horse
Out in the country beside a tree
What to do? Well, we stopped of course
Talking to my small gang of friends
I asked,"What's that look like to you?"
The dog said, "Bark!" I said, "Not the tree!"
"The girl right here that's in our view!"
The owl said,"Who?", I said, "The girl!"
The parrot said, "Want a cracker?"
I said, "I don't know her that well!"
The girl said, "I've got mace you whacker!"
She said, "Don't you dare come near me!"
"You can just talk to my horse instead!"
But no one can talk to a horse, of course
Unless it's the famous Mr. Ed!
The llama spit on me, then I got maced
This tale doesn't have a happy end
I just asked, "What you think about that?"
The dog said, "Ruff!", and I said, "Amen!"
Categories:
whacker, fantasy, humor,
Form: Quatrain
Police and fire sirens blare
An early emergency somewhere
Neighbor’s water squeaking thro’ the pipes
Two cats clawing each other’s stripes
Traffic hums and honks, tires squeal
In such a hurry…what’s the big deal?
Mower of lawns and whacker of weeds
Garbage man missed: in-reverse beeps
Nearby pickup started and revved up loud
I’m not quite used to this urban crowd
Cell phone buzzes, again I slap the snoozer
I wonder: would I prefer a rooster?
Categories:
whacker, city, sound,
Form: Rhyme
Weed Whacker
I whack the weeds
and free their seeds
then fertilize
as seedlings breed
encroaching on
the flower bed
forgive me Lord
I wish them dead!!
John G. Lawless
7/9/2014
Categories:
whacker, garden, humor,
Form: Rhyme
By the bypass
Monologue
Stay put
Like a still mosaic
What is detrimental?
I am spinning 360 degrees
The whacker
Categories:
whacker, addiction,
Form: Acrostic
What do you do
When your spirit is pacing inside
Your body like a caged animal?
You are uncertain what is preventing you
From making a choice
Any choice
Maybe fear of falling?
Leaving behind the cocoon of friends and family
Predictability?
When you reach the end of a road
Do you take a weed whacker and forge your own path?
Or continue down a familiar boulevard?
Or distract yourself with something silky,
Shiney and soft and that leads you in circle?
How do you refine truth from illusion?
Your own intuition from others’ expectations or
Wishes that you stay “safe” and “nearby.”
How do you distinguish between practicality and excuses
When all your thoughts, feelings, urges, intellect
Are spinning like coins on a table top?
How do you get to the calm eye of your inner hurricane,
And become quiet and still,
Where are my answers?
Categories:
whacker, confusion,
Form: Free verse
Somewhere in an overgrown yard
You'll find a lonely toe
Flesh and bone now all alone
Where the weeds will always grow
An accident destined to happen
While barefoot on the lawn
An evil tale with a gasoline smell
And the horror it would spawn
It happened early one morning
With the weed whacker by my side
It was nice and sunny but it's wasn't very funny
It was the day that a grown man cried
The weed whacker had a mind of its own
Like Jack the Ripper if you will
It got my big toe first with its blood filled thirst
Looking for some blood to spill
Well, I put it under my pillow
There's gotta be a toe fairy right?
When I woke the next day the toe was gone away
Disappearing in the middle of the night
And for all of those who are wondering
This story simply isn't true
At least not yet but don't you ever forget
When you're working in the yard wear a shoe
Categories:
whacker, funnyday,
Form: Rhyme