Q: When a woman is having a baby, what do you call the periods of time between labor contractions?
A: Pregnant pauses.
Q: What happens when a restaurant doesn't sell all of its "soup du jour"?
A: It goes on tomorrow's menu as "soup du yesterjour".
Q: What do you call a group of witches doing their own laundry?
A: A self-cleaning coven.
Q: What did the prostitute say to the sympathetic arresting female officer from Buenos Aires?
A: Don't cry for me, Sergeant Tina.
Q: What did the cannibal chief tell his people when they were defeated by another tribe?
A: If you can't eat 'em, join 'em.
Q: What did two gay knights tell King Arthur when he asked them if they were dating?
A: We''re not a couple, we're joust friends.
Q: What's the difference between a vase and a "vahze"?
A: The price.
Q: How can you tell if a politician is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: How would Hollywood describe a remake of "Day of the Dead" set in old Tucson with a score and lyrics by Andrew Lloyd Webber?
A: A zombie western musical.
Q: What might be the motto of a cannibal police force?
A: "To dissect and serve".
Categories:
webber, humor,
Form: I do not know?
have you ever grappled with despair
not in imagery, symbolism or portrayal.
I mean, have you ever felt the elevator drop
the watery weakness that extenuates breath
a depth of fatigue that makes lying on the floor a burden
an aching pounding in your chest,
the broken-glass dryness in your throat
the gritty ache in your eyes
that makes you want to close them forever?
Struggle no more, leaden limbs,
free the weary weight.
Eyes that struggle, release the light.
The body begs to no more fight.
In a blur of sluggish thought,
I whisper sleep's sweet name.
The will has dropped.
The yearning stopped.
I’ll rest on that distant shore.
.
.
Songs for this:
Nessun Dorma by Sarah Brightman
Caruso (Live at "Pavarotti International" Charity Gala Concert, Modena 1992) by Luciano Pavarotti, Aldo Sisilli
Pie Jesu by Andrew Lloyd Webber, Sarah Brightman & Paul Miles-Kingston
Categories:
webber, dark, daughter, depression, perspective,
Form: Free verse
In the shadows of your DREAM you cannot resist,
and hold my reaching hand we embrace as my voice calms you;
in the inky dark do not beguile this love that burns like a torch,
sweetly, delicately we d r i f t . . . to caress and kiss.
Our passage has begun into the melody of the dark,
and we sail among the stars and plunge in e u p h o r i a ;
we glide oh, let THIS be the magic within your dreams.
_________________________
June 21, 2020
Poetry/Verse/Music of the Night
Copyright Protected, ID 20-1261-959-03
All Rights Reserved, 2020, Constance La France
Inspiration #1 - Music of the Night
from Phantom of the Opera, music by Andrew Lloyd Webber
Written for the contest, On Broadway
sponsor, Nette Onclaud
First Place
Categories:
webber, desire, dream, fantasy, night,
Form: Verse
During a wintry storm in Newfoundland
A very pregnant mom went into labour
All on board died when ambulance crashed
The fate of that night was in no one's favor
When others finally arrived on the ghastly scene
They discovered mother's stomach was ripped apart
Not from the outside in, but from the inside out
Claw marks to get out chilled everyone's heart
In the freshly fallen snow distinctive tracks were found
Of tiny webbed newborn baby hands and feet
Grew to be known as Webber living deep in the woods
Coming out after dark to devour children as a treat.
As a child I was warned regularly to be home before dark
The fear of being eaten , I did not have to be told twice
I truly believe that my mother and grandma thought this to be true
Snuggled safely at home before twilight was sound advice
March 4, 2020
-~For Favorite Legends Poetry Contest ~
~ Sponsored by: Chantelle Anne Cooke ~
Categories:
webber, childhood,
Form: Rhyme
Me a zombie?
Never!
Just a viral doofus poseur,
Brainiac and hacker on the loose tapping into other genie lamps,
Wireless Stikbot floater skipping ID challenge.
Hurdles that authenticate saliva from a silicone palate.
Trojan horse webber getting kicks from pop up photos and their tick box phasers.
Magic putty slideshows arfe my fix,
Overlapping gotchas in the cryptic mainframe,
zapped on sight.
Cookies nerd obsessive, parasitic nibbler on limitless net feeds,
Humanoid, human void,
vacuum mouse pad tracker ball bane.
Foxy email phisser,
wolf amid the Wiki swathes at random,
memory never full.
Sabouteur who pinpoints rootkit channels,
silently installing gridlock pixels deep freeze.
But I am not a robot,
just some micro chip app monger, macro chip on shoulder and those other parts designed by desktop surgeons,
sideline sci-fi wise guy not so wise,
hi-tech buff illusion in a hall of mirrors dash into the ether.
Me this CoderDojo mass encryption tangle,
blue moon barcode surfer, Janus-faced,
mutant bit part player who has somehow lost his byte!
Written January Twenty First Twenty Twenty
Categories:
webber, color, computer, creation, fantasy,
Form: Prose Poetry
Let serene tranquility transport me
To my highest poetic aspirations.
Let me feel the thrill, the chill, the bliss
When this exquisite operatic song
Encompasses my entire body.
Let the musical magic sustain in
Echoes of reflective contemplation.
When this music fills my yearning soul
With Angelic reverberations...
A crescendo of divine harmonies is
Showered in auditory pleasures
Tending to leave me a bit breathless
In awe of hearing heavenly sounds,
Making my heart reel in rhapsodies.
7-24-17
Pie Jesu inspired and performed by Forte, composed by Andrew Lloyd Webber
Pie Jesus is Latin for Merciful Jesus
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uwhzw1PKWgo
The Poet's Ear Contest
Sponsor Greg Barden
Categories:
webber, beautiful, music, passion, song,
Form: Free verse
The work I do is not the most prestigious one,
from four to twelve thirty I drive...until my shift is done;
a forklift driver rarely takes a coffee-break,
and being courteous and helpful to customers means a lot.
My long-life dream was to be a songwriter like Andrew Lloyd Webber, but my songs
didn't click...they never made the Top Ten on the Billboard Charts;
and although they didn't sell well to make it my profession, I still hold my thumb up...
that if a famous recording artist performed them, I'd have a huge hit!
My free time is devoted to creating lyrics that I will set to music in late hours;
and I would never be a Mozart, Verdi, or Beethoven if didn't knock on doors
and expose my works to those who would be willing to listen without reluctance...
could one be old and succeed as the young ones with fresher, brighter ideas?
For now, I remain the same blue collar guy coloring more illusive dreams;
many approach me and say," Don't give up...you have plenty of chances!".
I do want to believe that and wear the deserved crown and be lauded as others...
'till my lucky day comes, I must make a living and have the faith of the achievers.
Categories:
webber, childhood, devotion, faith, inspirational,
Form: Quatrain