I live with a mask
A mask of survival
As if it were natural.
With hatred and disgust
I search,
For authenticity.
Walking with falsehood, yet still hoping
For sincerity.
Carrying a sense of unworthiness
Cracks in my mask—
I move forward,
Chasing your silhouette.
No words I hear
Only silence from my own fear,
No embrace no reassuring hand,
Only doubt, emptiness upon my hand..
Years of emptiness, shame, unworthiness in this uncertain world, I open up your words of faith Lord your son, yet my heartened heart is blind.
You calleth me to come down from that withered tree, as to eat and be fed inside my home, where am I to deserveth such a gift?
Is it I Jesus with whom you seek, no words can I speak, as I serve you with the finest wine, bread, yet you summoned me to sit at your feet to say My Child, I come as to feed your soul as I see you are sad.
You have suffered with doubt, fear FAITH, let me pray with you, just as the deer wander upon this earth seeking water, let me be the oats upon which they eat, reach out your hand my CHILDREN, let your body hunger no more as to walk free in the prairies of wheat and wildflowers, as to be warmed by the morning sun, Go Forth to be ONE with my FATHER in Grace.
winter is whispering to me
'Be Happy'
my initial attitude is
'be snappy'
then a Lesson From God sneaks up in my ear out of nowhere
'how would you like to be greeted in return'
after wrestling with my thoughts, i chose to try a new and freshly different approach
i returned all greetings with a smile
conversations actually lasted a while
i gained new friends and New Perspectives by the mile
i was introduced to a new song, a new outlook, and a new style
winter is whispering to me
'Look Up and See'
it is then that i wonder more deeply what it would be like to
'Be Me'
then another Lesson From God sneaks up in my ear out of nowhere
how do you define Feeling Free'
so on a count of three
i hit the ground on a trial run degree
i found MySelf Rewarded with unexpected acceptance
gone is my internal feeling of unworthiness and ineptness
I need some help, I'm requesting,
That I understood, I believe
I was in this hitch of unworthiness
Because life had thrown me a switch.
The dope was nasty and pitiless
Trying to escape this world of hostility.
After what had happened that day
My most sinful fear was yet to come by play.
I wasn't being supportive when,
I thought I was living in hell
I ask our God for some direction
Because of the brick I had thrown away.
Please show me the lesson, my Lord,
That I am supposed to learn
If he hadn't answered when He did.
I should have burned.
Though I felt a hand on me,
I knew my goal was to be intense
It was all about to be rhapsodized
With this, he was of nobility.
He found me broken, restless.
He found me dirty, not worthy, fading with every given day.
He found me through the dark, cold fog in depths of despair.
Ground that was once soil, now filled with mud from years of unceasing rain.
Kneeling down on one knee, He took my face in His hands and whispered, "Daughter, let me heal your wounds past, present, and future."
This time the rain wasn’t cold, wet, or unpleasant. It was warm and smelled of roses. It was a healing rain. A rain to wash away my brokenness, restlessness, dirt of my sins, unworthiness. Dark, cold fog lifted, seeing the once flooded ground now had spring flowers, smelling of sweet nectar.
It began when a woman by a pool,
suddenly became fearful seeing water
causing her stomach to churn.
Just from looking at the water—
not when it touched her skin.
The wise sage pointed to a spot
beneath her eye,
an acupuncture tapping point,
connected to the stomach meridian.
Tap there, he said. Just for two minutes.
The dread eased, and with it,
the fear or water faded
The sage then showed other places
on a map of the body, to tap to relive pain
and to ease anxious thoughts.
Side of the hand – eases resistance and self-doubt.
Top of head – clears mental fog.
Eyebrow (near nose) – calms fear, stress, and trauma.
Side of the eye – softens anger, frustration, indecision.
Under the eye – soothes anxiety and vulnerability.
Under the nose – releases shame and hidden guilt.
Chin point (below lower lip) – heals unworthiness and hesitation.
Collarbone (just below) – settles worry and fears of the unknown.
Under the arm – helps with insecurity and feeling exposed.
The thought weighs heavy on you,
Unworthiness is no mere common flu,
Spreading throughout your flesh and bones,
Beating you with your own cast stones,
Fallacious sickness hurled upon your soul,
You contemplate your toll,
For you think only you can pay,
The brain a malleable clay,
Imperfections pointed out by society,
Causing depression and anxiety,
But to many, a hidden truth,
There is the Holy One's couth,
A covenant made in blood,
Preventing another flood,
He has and will bare this weight,
Do not forget Jesus' state,
He carried the cross for you,
No matter what you do,
Do not let His acts be in vain,
This unworthiness must not remain.
Walking through the fire set ablaze to destroy me
Coming out the fire without a burn; attune with my existence
Balancing the heart and mind revived my soul's resilience
Allowing me to release self hate, forgiveness and judgement
To cast healing and compassion to self and others in need
A world crafted for consumption of unworthiness and self hate
Understanding my role, using my duality as a advantage
Breaking the filter of illusions to love and create regardless.
Ahh! Just so beautiful and humble
O' so I reverence her with admiration!
"Who am I to Adorn her" Oh! What a feeling of Unworthiness in the presence of greatness
All Father of divine presence "The grace of God
Is within her "The Love of God in her"
Also the divine spark within her she who I love
"Whom am I to love", "Whom am I to look upon"
Is my a sense of humility and reverence
"I Love the God in her" such a deep love
~
And reverence for the divine within her
A sense of devout sincere worship and devotion
Beautiful and heartfelt reverence
For the divine presence in her
I acknowledge the glory of God
So shining through her,
And that's a truly wonderful thing
seeing the divine in you
Who am I to Adorn her
The grace of God is within her
The Love of God in her
Whom am I to love
Whom am I to look upon
I Love the God in her
I LOVE the GOD IN YOU- IT'S THE BOTH OF YOU I LOVE
8/17/24
Written words by James Edward Lee Sr 2024
8/17/24
Written words by James Edward Lee Sr 2024
What twisted minds we have!
Fascinated by dark ritual,
sacrifice of human blood
to call black magic to our aid.
Alluring secret knowledge,
perilous complexities;
attempting to control
the supernatural.
How can this make sense anymore?
Two thousand years ago,
the Divine bled itself for us,
granted us power
despite our unworthiness and ignorance.
Freely given, and open to the light.
A ritual beyond our wildest dreams.
So condescendant, the Lord of the Light,
for all that we must do
is to believe,
and to eat,
And all is ours...
The terms of the pact really make no sense,
but God makes all things new.
3 June 2024
She was like the softest clouds,
On a warm, sunlit day.
Standing out in any crowd,
In a celestial way.
Unsure how to cope,
With a loss so profound.
Yet within, there's false hope,
Things might turn around.
My past reveals unworthiness,
My love, though given, meets only hurt.
I regret offering up my heart's fortress,
For each time it's done, I'm left in the dirt.
I wish our paths had never crossed,
Yet love for you remains, it's true.
Why did you leave me to be lost
In these deep, dark blues?
"God sent neither a philosopher or a general,
but a savior with the power to forgive."
Quote _Unknown
I was sad to hear of a friends death
it was so unexpected
I assumed that they would always be
like a lighthouse guiding
so, I felt it was time for a dead reckoning
to lay bear my heart and flaws
admit that I am adrift and need to find my way
out of this labyrinthine called life
oh, the time of reckoning will soon arrive
and my life assessed
perhaps tomorrow or in time
and what will God say . . .
at my friends funeral I had an epiphany
I felt like a ship tossed on the sea in a storm
and my only chance for eternal life was
adead reckoning of my unworthiness
God, there are scars on the road map of my life
and it is weather-stained, I say
but, I see the sun rise life a jewel above each day
a gift from you to me, thank you
and I pray that with my final judgement
. . . . I will be lifted up with you
A centurion understood authority
but deemed himself unworthy of
an audience with The Christ.
Jesus totally ignored the state of
his unworthiness, marveled at his FAITH,
and healed the centurion's servant.
The widow of Nain expressed no FAITH.
She only had pain, sorrow, and tears
as her only child was being funeralized
when Jesus met her and said, "Weep not".
In her case, there was no mention of FAITH;
Neither did she request anything from Jesus.
Nevertheless, there was clearly mercy, love, and
compassion when Jesus gave her son back to her.
100923PS
Words I cannot say,
I feel as if I am buried up to my neck in clay.
A door that I cannot see,
Despite having the key.
The devastation is much too real,
I see your hand in things that you are about to reveal.
People are in so much pain,
But it’s only by Your hand that You sustain.
Tears have stained my face,
In my unworthiness You have extended Your grace.
Wounds, people say that only time can heal,
But no, Jesus did on that Golgotha Hill.
© Deborah Seale Schnadelbach
For far too long I have denied myself a life of joy, prosperity, and the understanding that I too deserve happiness despite my mistakes
For countless years it seems I have mentally digested a falsified definition of who I am and allowed my potential to be malnourished-
feeding my mind with welcoming thoughts of unworthiness.
What of these thoughts of mine that encapsulated me?
What of these tangled webs of self-sabotage that stagnates my growth?
You see, there's power in the mind but that power could sway either way-
dominantly viewing ourselves with a positive perception or lack thereof.
However, between the two lies a balance of acceptance-
by embracing all of who you are;including the imperfections.
So, no more will I hide within the shadows of self-doubt-
holding me hostage, unable to step into the light
I dismiss the idea that I have nothing to offer the world
How dare me think less of who I am?
How could I be so oblivious to how special the powers that be have made me?
Of course, I'm not perfect. But who is?
Its my decision to be happy
It's my decision to LIVE!!!!
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