think …
of the abyss …
unimaginably, unbearably cold
pressure that turns bones (and flesh) to vapor
eight tons - sixteen thousand pounds - per
each … square … inch …
a darkness quite unforgiving -
blacker than black
and yet …
LIFE …
burgeons in multitudes
otherworldly creatures that create their
own light in rhythmic patterns
fantastic organisms that
are so strange and striking they look alien
such an inhospitable world
yet things thrive …
I …
am such an abyss
intensely cold
a darkness beyond black
deep and desolate and bleak
compressed by encumbrance and a disquiet
that can turn bone to vapors …
pain that has no nerve
unbearable wretchedness … without origin
acerbic tears that do not drip -
they burn … and fester
but …
things live
odd creatures exist here -
freakish beasts of indeterminate shape and ire
that feed on joy … and purpose
they crawl and creep
and shiver …
and wait.
I miss the quiet
Before I was in the employ of other men
Before I came of age to apply for a job
Before the title of sir or Mr applied to me
When the only Mr Mthethwa known by the world was my father.
I do not miss my childhood
Or desire to relive it,
I miss 17, old enough to drive but not to vote
Before Helaena from school asked if we'd go steady
When she'd confide in me
And we'd enjoy the pensive silence
I miss the anxious feeling I'd get when we'd lock eyes,
Impatiently awaiting our first kiss.
Writing this I've come to a realization:
I am unsatisfied with my current life not because of the chaos, the pressure and my fading youth
But rather Helaena's absence in it
The world's become unbearably loud since you left
Helaena, I hate that you left my world far too soon.
How am I to walk this path without you.
I miss the quiet
Before I was in the employ of other men
Before I came of age to apply for a job
Before the title of sir or Mr applied to me
When the only Mr Mthethwa known by the world was my father.
I do not miss my childhood
Or desire to relive it,
I miss 17, old enough to drive but not to vote
Before Cynthia from school asked us to go steady
When she'd confide in me and we'd enjoy the pensive silence
I miss the anxious feeling I'd get when we'd lock eyes,
Impatiently awaiting our first kiss.
Writing all of this down I've come to a realization,
I am unsatisfied with my current life not because of the chaos, the pressure and my fading youth
I am unsatisfied with my life because Cynthia is not in it
The world's become unbearably loud since you left
Cynthia, I hate that you left my world far too soon.
How am I to walk this path without you.
So close yet so far
You were right there.
Close enough that if I leaned
just a little more
the space between us would have vanished.
Our shoulders almost touching,
your breath folding into the quiet air,
my hands pretending to rest calmly
while every nerve in me
reached for you.
It is a strange ache,
to miss someone
while they are sitting beside you.
I wanted something small.
Your hand in mine.
My fingers tracing the outline of your face.
A kiss that didn’t need witnesses.
Just proof that the distance I felt
wasn’t real.
Hours passed like held breath.
I memorized the warmth of you
without touching it.
I loved you without moving.
And when I left,
my hands were empty,
but my heart
was unbearably full.
Don’t let the fear in your head
Guide or influence your days
Don’t let it take control
Allowing it to have its own way
I know its not easy
It is such a hard battle to fight
Determined and persistent
Fears destructive grip is unbearably tight
It is so easy to give in
To fears crippling hold
Real strength and willpower required
So by your fear…. you are not controlled!
When you turn away from me,
It feels unbearably lonely.
When you’re upset with me,
Your promise to never speak again—
It drowns my heart in silent waves of sorrow.
When you turn away from me,
I pick a single flower to win your favor,
Yet you gently toss it aside before accepting me again.
I wish I could be a flower,
To blossom along your life’s journey
And bring you joy and purpose.
When you turn away from me,
It feels unbearably lonely.
Our bond seems more fragile than a thread,
Yet still I wipe my tears
And strive to speak to you.
Your half-smile—the one you never complete—
Kills the breath in my chest.
When you turn away from me,
It feels unbearably lonely.
I vow to hold you in my arms forever,
To never let you be upset with me again.
Your hair—like dark clouds—frames your beauty,
And in you, I see the moon,
Making me forget the sky above.
crisscrossing parallel universes
by some freak of nature
teeter tottering tumbling
to one side then to the other
in one world her home
Julia is unbearably lonely
a devastated grieving widow
inconsolable since her tragic loss
one day she crosses over to the other side
walking into a parallel world where
all is the same but for the accident
and her marriage never cut short
like a curious puzzle she puts pieces together
understanding that in this new world
she is squandering her treasure
taking for granted the man of her life
throwing away in one world the same prize
desperately grieved in the other
how will she balance the two worlds ~
AP: Honorable Mention 2025
(inspired by 1988 movie 'Julia and Julia' starring Kathleen Turner)
Life Can Be Beautiful After a Rape
"I am the voice of your soul,"
Whispered a quiet strength from within.
"You are pure, you are whole, your heart still beats true.
I know the darkness feels endless,
And the world seems unbearably cruel,
But from the ashes of this moment,
You can rise toward a life worth living.
Trust yourself.
Because life can be beautiful after a rape."
I know you hate your reflection.
Your spirit feels crushed,
And time seems like an enemy—
Moving too slow, yet too fast.
Perhaps you've thought of an end,
A heaven far removed from this pain.
But pause.
Breathe.
Remember, the fire inside you still burns,
And you still have what it takes to live freely,
To live fully,
Because life can be beautiful after a rape.
You are not the first to face this storm,
Nor will you be the last.
The past is scarred,
And the future holds more shadows,
But your strength can break this darkness.
You don't have to bury yourself
In the shroud of disdain,
Self-loathing,
Or mistrust.
You can rebuild.
You can find light again.
You can create something beautiful,
Even after a rape.
— Saadia Syed
Don’t let the darkness sink in
Within a blaze of pain and of fire
You will be ridiculed
You feel how we feel
Hot and yet unbearably cold
With limited sense of remorse
No-one will arrive
You are your own messiah
You are your own
You yourself are your own judge
Your own jury
You are complacent
Yet you do not know what it means
You are the mask I wear
I fake envisionment
I fake the trust I put,
Within you
Believe in myself I say
Trust within yourself,
They say!
Do not give in
Within yourself is your own path
Is your own sustenance
Believe in no one
Yet they beg for yours
Do not give in
You are worth,
MORE!!!!
She always thought she was a cut above others
The most beautiful, the richest , the best
A self confidence unbearably arrogant and explosive
When with her, peoples patience were put to the test
Outer beauty, plastic enhancements, riches is all that mattered
She was insincere, rude and vain
Never gave or did for another
In her eyes other women were unattractive and plain
Committed to a lunch work meeting
At a restaurant by the sea
It was a beautiful sunny day
Being with work plebs is not where she wanted to be
Glammed up to the eyeballs
She reluctantly arrived
Disgusted at having to be even near the plebs
She went to have a cigarette outside
She could see the plebs through the window
Looking at them down her perfect nose
Hoping to be rid of these deadbeats soon
In their embarrassing low budget clothes
Her negative ,superior body language was obvious
As she stood outside full of false pride
When several seagulls flew above her and let rip
Raucous laughter heard from the plebs inside
The clairvoyant could be a schizophrenic, or is it the other way around?
Cymbals of the mime must be unbearably loud.
Flowers are for glade and not the lapel of blue clowns.
Is it better for a stray to be forever chained down
or go running off with a pack of the unfound.
After death are we whisked off to heaven
or does the soul shatter against a cold Black wall?
Is faith just a mirage for the eternally weak
or is it a gilded pathway to the purist of all kings?
Tension Spread Thick
Layering Quick
Mental Health Sinking And Physically Sick
Sympathy Party
Wounds Pathetically Licked
The Sores Of My Past, I So Dangerously Pick
Black Cloud I Cloak, It Unbearably Sits
My Outskirt Persona Convincingly Tricks
A soul Held Captive, Body Imprisonment pit
Happiness Rarely Appears Through The Grit
Broken And Bruised, Shattered To Bits
Accepting, I'm Far Too Gone To Be Fixed
Yet, I Face Each Day Pretending And Refusing To Quit
someday ill be fixed
the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree
so the rot in the apple must stem from the bark
the roots that creep and drain of life
keeps us sour; unable to mend
you ruined me and i ruined you.
i hate you and i love you.
i don’t know what to do.
what can i do?
i can’t leave you
you’ll always be a part of me
your roots digging in to my very core
and i don’t want you to let me go
but you’re so horrible—
yet so kind
every word you spit tastes like poison
but your touch is so intimately, unbearably, soft
i want to run away
i want to run into your arms again
i want you to beg me to stay
i want you to set me free
the apple is rotten, and what rots it is the tree
but how can i blame you?
even the oldest trees were
once only apple seeds
how can i blame you,
when you were once me?
how can i blame an rotten apple
for growing into a rotten tree?
you rot me, because it’s all you know
you’ve been rotten from the inside out
and now you rot me too
and i hate you
i love you
i pity you
it’s all the same
in the end, i will grow into a rotten tree too
Truthfully,
I struggle to be free.
Unbearably,
Some strive to see a sinking sea.
Anger wraps around my shoulder.
I pray; I don’t get bolder.
The world, estranged, keeps getting colder.
It’s been forever; I’m still a sailor.
Curiously,
I’ve been chained in eternity.
Amazingly,
They die in an ocean of uncertainty.
Sails descend upon my shoulder.
I pray I won’t get bolder.
The world, afflicted, stares in wonder.
It’ll be forever; I’ll be a sailor.
From the brightest flash of exultation, to self strewn webs of sorrow
A passion of sparkling content, a heart unbearably hollow
Relive every sensation, ponder every sentiment
One pencil and a notebook can create a monument.
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