wearing sandals because my toenails can reach to the kitchen
If a podiatrist could see them, he would probably be itchin….
Wanting to clip, cut, curl, tear or drill these bad boys
They are pointed, ugly, yellow, and sharp as Lego toys
Great weapons for a bedmate who might harp
I am not kidding, they are incredibly sharp
Like little razors, treacherously tried and true
My husband’s toes are now bruised, black and blue
my large toenails shout their disregard for social norms
they are loud, proud, jagged with ugly norms
admiring their refusal to conform, I put them into sandals
they smirk at the disgust of the neighbors
waiting for smart aleck suggestions that never come
these plebes know me better than I thought they did
my toenails are as thick as a truck
limb clippers do not cut through them
I use sandpaper on a Dremel drill
when my toe hurts, I know I am through
But not one second before I am in pain
I know my hair continues to grow
tho' not for long when I'm dead and gone
finger and toenails sprout out slow
but here's a thought to linger on
it's only a theory yet I have a query
when six feet down in hallowed ground
will wax still appear in both my ears
if I'm not here or no longer around?
I wish my toenails were graham crackers
They would crumble instead of making holes in my shoes
I could eat the droppings
Or fashion them into a nice pie crust
They would be easier to clip and trim
I would not have to use the lawn clippers
I wish my toenails were graham crackers
I used to expose my toes,
went walking without my clothes.
Then, I was bolder;
now, I'm much older,
and my skunky toenail shows.
My toenails have taken on a life of their own.
Unsightly appendages.
Not unlike an ugly claw foot table.
Two of them have grown sixteen inches.
Curling under my foot, leaving a crisp sharp tail as I walk.
One of them is holding a sign that says “Trim me”.
Another is looking for her birth mother.
Last but not least one is making fun of the other four.
It is difficult to ignore this.
My toenails are atrocious
Ugly enough to be put into a record book
Even I gag when I look over my stomach
They stick out of my sandals in irregular points
Some are as thick as a door hinge.
They are impossible to cut, of course.
I have to use a drill on them.
I mow down pedestrians all the time with these nails.
Oh, excuse me, sorry, I did not see you.
I apologize with tears in my eyes
So they do not know how hard
I am keeping my laughter inside.
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