Oh, the joy of telemarketers,
Who call you up without a care,
With offers they believe are clever,
But really just provoke despair.
They call with grand insurance plans,
Covid kits and credit schemes,
As if I’m some prized target
For their automated dreams.
“End-of-life” expense protection —
Oh, what a cheery nightly theme!
I nod along sarcastically
Inside my caller-haunted dreams.
And then there’s Medicare, of course,
A topic I now know too well,
Yet still they bring fresh nonsense
With each new tale they sell.
They ring at noon, at dawn, at dusk,
And even in the dead of night,
It seems they’ve sworn a solemn vow
To haunt me till I lose the fight.
So here’s my ode to all of you
Who call with no remorse or thought:
If you don’t cease this madness soon,
I’ll scream until my brain is shot.
Your calls are cruel and unwanted,
And frankly, they just make me sick.
So do the world a service now —
And kindly stop being a prick.
Categories:
telemarketer, business, funny, hello, humorous,
Form: Ode
I heard a ringing, it must be my phone.
So, off I ran, I was home alone.
I looked high, I looked low.
I even looked in the Freezer below.
I looked upstairs and down again.
I looked in the oven, then the trash bin.
I looked so much until it stopped ringing.
I felt so glad that I started singing.
Then I heard it start once more.
I was determined to settle the score.
The sound of the ringing was mocking me.
I could hear it, but my eyes could not see.
Was I losing it and paying the cost?
I will show you that phone who's the boss!
Hurray, I found my phone just in time.
Only to hear a telemarketer on the line
Categories:
telemarketer, funny, humorous,
Form: Rhyme
Hello
This is Mervin
No thanks do not need them
Really we have enough thank you
Good bye
Sponsor Sotto Poet
Contest Name Traditional Cinquain
15/4/2023
Categories:
telemarketer, thanks,
Form: Cinquain
A Metamucil Moment"
Woke up this morning
Feeling rather blue
Ran out of Metamucil
Don't know what to do
Muscles really aching
Joints are creaky sore
I ran out of Ben-Gay
Have to run down to the store
Blood pressure medicine
Seems too have disappeared
Can't remember if I used it all
My tummy's feeling kinda of weird
Where did I put my glasses
Can't see a gosh darn thing
Can't drive with out them
Now the phone it starts to ring
Who would be calling me
Should I answer it or leave
It's a damn telemarketer
Now I'm really peeved
Do you need your carpets cleaned
A written pitch I'd heard before
No!! But could use some Metamucil
Hung up and headed out the door
My car is almost out of gas
The Kona coffee kicking in
Don't think I need that Metamucil
As my stomach starts to spin
Ran back to the bathroom
In a hurry I did run
Found there wasn't any T.P.
Grrrr !!! This is not a lot of fun
But did find my Ben-Gay
Wish I found my glasses first
Thought I brushed my teeth with Colgate
Now I'm really at my worst
My blood pressure's rising
Still can't find my med's
Think I'm gonna give up
I'm going back to bed
Categories:
telemarketer, angst, fate,
Form: Rhyme
stop!!
auto calls
telemarketer
Why! you do you keep calling?
2/6/18
by James Edward Lee Sr.
Categories:
telemarketer, anger, anxiety, conflict, voice,
Form: Questionku
kissing you in this dream
then getting bitten by the truth
i guess that is why it is called later youth
the bloom of me is now wilted
i feel like damaged goods
i was a vulnerable future evictee
you were the cunning telemarketer
i was so hungry for any type of affection
you were hungry for some hint of fulfillment
our different places became a similar feeling for one seemingly perfect moment
then reality returned to us, and the truth of who we really were resurfaced like an unsuccessfully guarded confession
a few footprints on a dusty carpet and an ugly argument over the phone later, i am branded permanently brokenhearted
you are christened highly favored
continuing story of your ascension
unfortunate story of My Life....
Categories:
telemarketer, blue, heartbreak, heartbroken, how
Form: Free verse
By Elton Camp
Sam much too intently does insist
Green eggs and ham not be missed
I don’t like them isn’t good enough
Sam persistently promotes the stuff
He is very much like a telemarketer
When lack of interest is made clear
Changes of location he does suggest
The person’s resolve to slyly test
Dining companions does propose
The answer’s the same with those
Bold persistence wears him down
The eater finally comes around
“I like them after all,” he does say
Not as much on the following day
In the hospital bed he did lay
Where he heard the doctor say
“It’s food poisoning without doubt.
In the future you better look out.”
“Green eggs don’t make sense to eat
They’re obviously ruined, not a treat.”
“Never eat them here or there.
I wouldn’t eat them anywhere.”
Categories:
telemarketer, humor,
Form: Rhyme
An Ideal Job Is Easily Found
By Elton Camp
“To find what type of job you are best fitted to and then to secure an opportunity to pursue it, is the key to happiness.” -- John Dewey
It’s now too late for me, this to do
For my working days are through
For young folks about to begin
There’s one I’d recommend
The pay’s not great, but work is steady
The skills you need you have already
If you can talk, hear and key
Then you’re likely home free
It’s not work in the blazing sun
You can quit when the day’s done
The work is all performed inside
From cold, there’s no need to hide
If a layoff should ever come around
Another like it is very easily found
“Mr. Jones, how are you today?”
Mealtime is when it’s best to say
“I’m giving you an opportunity here
To share with me something dear.”
“Your credit card is all that I need
To handle it with the greatest speed.”
Being a telemarketer is what I propose
For no jobs are more worthy than those
Separating the sucker from his dough
Will give you a happy, contented glow
Categories:
telemarketer, humor,
Form: Rhyme
This lonely drive to work, I barely felt alive
I felt a little quirk, on this mundane drive
I pulled over to make a call, next to a park
My secretary called, then my screen went dark
I proceeded with my call, re dialed and then I waited
The engine seemed to stall, then my dash lights faded
The call went to a recording, it said "Leave me some love"
I said "Have a great morning, your my turtle dove"
Turning the key did nothing, so I slammed the wheel
Just then the phone rang, a telemarketer named Will
I called my mechanic, Dan said "Call for a tow"
I dialed information, only to be put on hold
My phone battery died, so I let out a low groan
Bedeviled again, I slowly walked on home
Categories:
telemarketer, life
Form: Couplet
The a/c in the truck has been broken
I adjust the wing window, but it's sucking
Another red light and I'm steering wheel tapping
There is a rattle in the speaker that's blasting
The summer breeze is just hot air blowing
Like a Monday that keeps on coming
Should have fixed the air condition
180 bucks, I'd have that baby humming
I pull up in the driveway, realize it was trash day
Park it and head for the door, check the mail, none OK
Unlock the door and pet my dog, hey boy what do you say
Head for the fridge and trip on the mat, is it doomsday ?
Straight for the easy chair, Lordy what a Monday
Then the phone rings a telemarketer wants to chat
I express my self in a very bad way
As the spring in the chair pokes my back
Categories:
telemarketer, funny
Form: I do not know?
There is no law that says that I must keep a Twitter page
and write on it my actions of each and every day
There is no law to force me to answer my telephone
Or even to carry my cell whenever I leave home
It's usually a telemarketer or some friend needing a favor
The pure gall of some folks, just never seems to waver
I challenge some one to put before me the chapter and the verse
That says I have to add into every conversation an unladylike curse
And If I'm home and to my front door you come knocking for a visit
No jury would find me guilty of bad manners if to open it ...I didn't
And while I'm on a rant let's touch on junk mail
The cost of what is send out yearly, the U.S. deficit it would bail
One more thing before I step down from my soap box
I recall the days when everything you owned
didn't need nailed down or behind locks
Now my rant has ended, I vented my steam for a while
Please move along, nothing to see here
go about you day she says with a bitter smile
Categories:
telemarketer, lifeme, me,
Form: Free verse
I woke as usual this morning
The first thought of my day being
What words am I going to use today?
Will they be words of hate?
Will they be words of love?
Will they be unkind words,laced with cruelty?
Alternatively,words conveyed with laughter and joy.
My next thought,as always,is
With whom will I share these words?
Friends and family,
Strangers I pass on the street
Throughout my days journey
Perhaps even those I work with.
Or how about the person on the phone
Yes!even that annoying telemarketer
Who always seems to call at the worst of times?
No matter what time of day that is.
Even words I put down in print can affect
How my day goes.
One just never knows the impact
Words play in our daily lives
Until perhaps it is too late
To take them back.
Categories:
telemarketer, introspection, life, on writing
Form: Free verse
Out of Area
Was on the caller ID
I wonder which telemarketer
It can be
It was for children
Who were in need
Fro fallen sheriffs
Was they're plead
$25, $40, $50
What would suit you best?
I told her send the kids to me
I'll take care of the rest
She paused. I said, "I have no money"
She relies, "$10 will do,
How would you like to pay for that?"
I replied," With love that is true!"
Ma'am I am serious
Well, so am I
It should be against the law
For a child to cry
I hung up!
Categories:
telemarketer, angst, childhood, love, people,
Form: Bio