On a hot and windless night
I lay in bed quietly with a bit sad
Looking back on the journey
A shadow appears bashfully on the catwalk
As shy as debtors for a grace time hide
I feel odd suddenly about that
It happens for no known reason
...
Or like a criminal carries a shackle
Escorting a soul of exile
The self-torture of
Suffocating in the dust
Being stirred up by passers...
Fairly, it represents nothing
In a world shared less or more
If equalizing goodwill with goodwill
And evil with evil...
Say it loudly, I'm truly worthy of
Standing between earth and heaven
And facing by person to person...
Not much time will be left
For flying Spiritual whiskers in the wind
And singing virtually among the mountains ...
Categories:
self torture, bullying, confidence, confusion, courage,
Form: Free verse
Love is such a fragile sentiment
So oft confused with sex,
So in our daily double dealings
We render it is so indefinable
Like the faint flicker of a candlelight
That is blown out by our despair,
An intimate venue of self-torture.
We add to its impenetrable obscurity
Blowing the flame right out,
Thus our outrageous shadows
Are silently snuffed out.
Until we accidentally meet again,
And Love blossoms again.
Categories:
self torture, love,
Form: Free verse
Contradictions hypocrite
There’s a big black hole where my heart should be
And it’s killing me! Just to be me.
I try to change and remove the pain,
But it’s a part of me now; my soul is stained.
I need to love, but I don’t want to talk.
I need you to love me, but who loves a dork?
I hate myself for needing your help,
So I won’t put you through this too, for this is my own Hell.
I am contradictions hypocrite,
And I am constantly hit by emotional baggage.
Put me out of my misery, please!
I just cannot manage,
To just find the tiniest speck of joy,
Or a reason to believe.
The fearful boy who wants to love,
But the glass will never ever be even half-full.
It’s life half-empty permanently;
Dead skies up above.
No ray of light shines down on me.
Just endless self-torture, no more pity;
I cannot take it anymore.
I cannot stand to tell you the truth, so I let you fall.
(C)2018 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
Categories:
self torture, death, love, me, pain,
Form: Bio
Minefield
I wish I could navigate the minefield of my mind
Its corners dark and undefined.
One step too far, it all explodes
It explodes, my being erodes.
I walk through slowly with a hopeful face
Behind me, anxiety soon gives chase.
Anxiety stabs me, sanity's scorcher
And as I weep, I'm thrust to self torture.
Cut in the heart by worries future to past
I'm paralyzed to think this day is my last.
I break the mirror, shouting at my appearance
Meandering in camouflage is my only clearance.
I'm comforted by brief moments of peace
But it's back to the minefield as those cease.
I sit and smile as I amputate
In this personal hell I create.
And I shudder to think of an eternity bound
To this forsaken battleground.
Categories:
self torture, anxiety, depression, fear, pain,
Form: Rhyme
And so I come back
again and again
to revisit our love
and why I foolishly
let it slip away
Self torture? No
To feed my soul's
addiction
Categories:
self torture, addiction, love,
Form: Carpe Diem
Simple neighbour but a potential predator
Images of a bad X-ray seen through hospitable beings
Every smile is perceived mischievous
Growing bad impression on constant good gestures
Evolving friendship nurtured by perceptions and preconceived ideas
Men in simple clothing but gangs in weary eyes
Entry and exit, emotionally been monitored
Neighbourhood so fine, painted red in the mind
Too trouble sensitive, leading to mental slavery
All pressurizing the unnecessary need for an extra guard
Living with dilated eyes and muscled limbs
In an environment preserved in tranquility
Takes the mind to a world of self torture, as it
Yields to the unfortunate fear of non-existent enemies.
Categories:
self torture, adventure, allusion, angst, anxiety,
Form: Acrostic
I again went for the goldfish.
One day I took you, in the
night sky, rubbing on the
sea, under an ebony moon.
The roasted munching in
fabricated letters for
the orgiastic drill.
Why one always becomes
sadistic in self- torture,
the drifting among tombs-
of broken words, in our
maligned ink ? The clear
path suddenly becomes invisible.
I again hear the sobbing of
a trembling ghost of past.
Satish Verma
Categories:
self torture, art,
Form: ABC
Perfection,
As your femme fatale walks into existence.
With eyes like that, there is no resistance,
No steering away or meeting halfway,
Her coloured eyes and deadly stare,
As you are forcefully pulled into her sinful lair.
You try to avoid the Siren song,
But deep inside, you love it,
Crave it, enslaved by it, nurture it, self-torture,
Enjoying every moment as it cuts deeply through,
A pain and pleasure you once never knew.
This is Medusa,
A work of art made with the demon's tools.
This is an hourglass,
With a perfect shape, but also a ticking timer,
As the burden gets heavier the longer you're with her,
She's numbering your days as the sand quickly transfers,
To your drenching heart, she is the only saboteur.
This is angelic,
With golden hair and a timeless physical relic.
This is demonic,
Her song harmonic, her punishment tectonic.
She is the ground of all being,
And she'll encompass and crush you whilst she is freeing.
Categories:
self torture, love
Form: Free verse
I can see you are suffering deeply
But you cannot escape your self-torture
Subconsciously you are dependent on the pain
And the joy your sorrow brings is what you live for
But when the happiness is taken from you
You cannot stand being alone with your own thoughts
Your mind drives you on the brink of insanity
Playing on your every emotion constantly
Emulating false hope of glee and bliss
But you are a simple person who has never asked for much
All you want from life is a piece of joy
Your desperation will soon sink in
And no one will ever know the reason for your greatest sin
Categories:
self torture, confusion, depression, life, sad
Form: I do not know?
My mind is a whirling vortex.
Over whelmed with never ending thoughts.
An endless tunnel of torture.
Oh how cruel life can be!
Or is it that we just can't let go of the past?
To day is a new day, Yet I dwell on yesterday.
The pain I place upon myself.
Dwells within us all!
Categories:
self torture, confusion, depression, life,
Form: Free verse
Eyes,
They haunt me,
As if I were a murderer,
The eyes of a million victims,
Victims of my self-torture,
Of my self-hate,
Of my lies,
Of the life I’ve been living
Regardless of others,
Regardless of myself.
My reflections distorted
By bloodshed and tears,
I hold your picture close to my heart,
I whisper to my unseeing eyes
I love you
Categories:
self torture, angst, death, loss, sorry,
Form: Free verse