wrote last poem months ago
will not write another so
guess i'll stick with good ol' prose
prosaic from head to toes
if i write anything now
post only me anyhow
no one need read this my trash
algorithms turned to ash
say no more of politics
theology only tricks
you into false contentment
lulls the brain like compliment
dulls the pain of resentment
makes our love hate's complement
wish not to over complain
but ennui's bored me insane
in world prefabricated
all new remains outdated
and what's real is really rare
but fake has millions spare
routine is the only route
for time space life to run out
replace me with a monkey
and you'll save beaucoup money
sorry if self pity's wrong
self regard's just not so strong
seems i've carried on too long
so i'll end this silly song
I am leaving this place,
Eloping, never to return.
My mind is made, my heart is firm—
I will not live and die this way.
I gave my all,
Held faith that things would change,
But every dawn was fire and ash—
I will not live and die this way.
I know not where I’m going,
Yet I’ve nothing left to lose
But these chains.
Perhaps, somewhere, I’ll find rest.
She believed her Barbie's and Ken's
had shared a love far more complex
than any feelings they'd expressed --
AND dolls couldn't even self-dress!!!
She knew they were a mistake -
one she wanted them to address.
Her thoughts led to a request -
they both take a fear of change test.
Pleased to speak free, she confessed
being a part of couple failure debris
and held no fear of changing things.
She sensed relief peak as he owned
his tendency to cultivate regrets and
said he'd be more than fine living alone.
Once they aced the test, she at last
felt their tensions loose resentments.
Then they intelligently addressed
the logistics involved in couple deletion.
Next, they tossed their dysfunction map
and then summed up zero further cost
applied in paving a way out of this trap.
She was sure they'd only leveraged crap.
When the cold winds blow
And the hostile natives are restless
It’s time to wake up, smell the coffee
And cut your losses.
What is there to push back on, after all,
But the bitter taste
Of someone else’s resentment;
The mighty wind of their off-gassing.
The world is wild and cruel
Even within the treacherous smile of neighbors
When dog eats dog possesses their mind
You find yourself one of the dispossessed.
In this open, exposed and lonely place
Circle the wagons of your resolve
Recognize those you hold dear
And take solace in their love.
(4/13/25)
Feelings were lost. i feel angry once more but not sad. Only guilt. I hate myself for it.
My mental state of cause sent me to beings someone’s interest… when the tables turned
No interest was returned i had a sparse of ambition ready to scavenge a new life.
The new life i thought i wanted is corrupted at this point right now.
WHAT AM I? A MIRAGE? or a pathetic tiny grain blowing in the dust.
i shed tears of guilt and anger, none sad. what have i done to myself? why do i feel so torn? i’m tired of this cloak of happiness.
my body and mind aches.
what have i become?
(“With Love”, 2017, original encaustic)
Gratitude
In a world of worries
There are always complex problems
And simple solutions.
So easily our habits spin us
Into dizzying heights and depths
Our minds left seeking ways down and out.
When instead all we need do
To find a way through
Is see it with a breath of gratitude.
(11/23/24)
Money can be replaced or paid
But resentment is hard to forget
Because it comes from our heart
That's why we are to assist first
And think about it before we come up
With a hurtful story
Because it's not that like dirt
That can only be taken a bath.
This little life of mine
I think I’m not inclined
To live the life I want
Don’t think I have the time
To figure out the wrongs
To Fix them from the right
But I’ll put up a fight,
I will put up a fight
Why do they not care
Why do they not hear me
I feel I see them here
It’s like they know I can’t breathe
Its like trying to scream air
To people that aren’t there
Why do they not care
Why do they not see me here.
-Rosie Louise Hill
Ever present, sometimes languished,
Almost gone, then reestablished.
This is why, defences high!
To your offer, no reply...
For I pry my damnest
Her legs of an oyster
For they do not give way
Thy lacking in moisture
This night of great troubles
It pains me so
My loins are aching
Her pearls glow
A beauty to behold
Her spirit roam free
I have created her cage
A fear she will never love me
To control her is to have her
An immature thought
And that I believed
These urges I have fought
In her presence I seethe
Thy rage boils over
I'm loosing my control
As well as my composure
I feel her in my soul
My body aches with words unheard
For I cannot help it
This fire, it burns
In her eyes alone
They radiated with light
When shone to another
No longer a beautiful sight
Why did they whither?
Not appreciated among many
And how it broke her heart
But she still watered them plenty
Locked away from the rest
They sat in wait
For a time and place
Where another may appear
For a moment of magic
Another face as dear
Other acceptable beauties were gazed upon
So why us locked away?
Other worthy ones were revered
So why do we rot and stay?
The flowers felt neglect
Even with nightly hugs
The flowers felt unsightly
Even with kisses and love
The flowers grew restless with envy
Once a vibrated greenhouse
Now a relic that's quite empty
i love you but not in the way one should,
i feel for you in the way sunflowers feel
for the sun
you are my guide,
my star-
the one that brings me back,
always.
i stand tall under your rays,
bright and cheery
when you are there;
then you set, and i feel alone;
awaiting your return.
red, streaking my yellow,
resentment is a two headed sword-
biting the hand that feeds it.
forget-me-nots filling my head,
time is not enough for the knots
that encircle
this incomprehensible soul-
still i am your sunflower,
standing tall, under your gaze,
grateful for the temporary warmth
you bring.
vexed to gall
no anchor for rancour remains
no safe harbor for grudges on crutches
nor bitterness born of regret's aftertaste
for we agreed to differ, with our bygones forgone
to move on to settle on a calmer, sheltered shore,
where rancour's chains and anchors hold fast no more
and we'll ride out the tempest with sails lee-bowed or on ashore
let it be, let it be,
let the rancour
be done!
People say forgive and forget
They say live life without regrets;
I say that's easier said than done
Because vengeance is very fun;
Just forget the pain that's been done unto me
Cause you didn't experience my misery;
If forgiveness makes you strong than I guess I'll always be weak
Because my heart loves payback when awaken that's what she seeks;
What you reap is what you sow
Should I hold in the pain and anger or should I let it show?
Vengeance I love you, but you don't love me
I give you power through my animosity;
I want him to suffer like he made me it's only fair
You can beg me for forgiveness and I still wouldn't care;
Treat others how you want to be treated that's what I was taught
I don't like treating others badly yet that's what you brought;
Vengeance might become my fate
Hopefully I change before it's too late;
Forgiveness is an amazing level of spiritual maturity
I know somewhere inside me want that purity;
It's not over I haven't buried the past
There's no telling how long these feelings will last.
Resentment is a negative emotion
that casts aspersion upon others
when perhaps the fault really lies
in the depths of our own being.
Deceiving ourselves is a flaw,
one of our human imperfections,
while expecting too much of others.
Resentment leaves such a bitter taste.
Rancor inflames both heart and soul,
so, keep your ire under control.
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