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The Birds And The Bees
When I was a lad
And still wet behind the ears
Things often puzzled me
And was too young to understand
Like the saying the Birds
And the Bees
I thought in my little tiny mind
Do they mean bees wear stripy jackets?
And birds don't have them at all
They just wear coloured T shirts
Kinda thing
The fact that birds can sing and call
But bees can't sing at all
They just buzz
And sting
Everything
Still puzzled and no closer to what the Birds
And the Bees ment
I asked the Old Lady
Who lived next door
She said ask your Father
She laughted so much
She fell on the floor?
I imagined myself as Columbo
But did't have the knack
Bresies
I did'nt have a dirty Mac
So I asked the teachers at school
I stood up in the assembly room
In gront of everyone
I askef for answers
But I never had onr
I wonderd why they laughed
I was embarrasd and felt
Like a stupid foo
My last resort
Was to ask my slightly older blister
And her boyfriend if he knew?
He just turned red as a beetroot
And my slightly older blister turned
Red too
Ask your Father everyone on the bus said
I can't he's always with my Mother
All day and night in their noisey bed
And Sometimes
So was uncle Fred
I was getting nowhere
So I decided to write to
The Queen
And what she put in her reply
Shocked me it was so obscene
I was had just started read
And I hardly read what she had said
I thought she mentioned divorce?
But later I found out
It was I n t e r c o u r s e
So off I went to the local libiary
To look the word up
And what all this about 'The Birds and the Bees''?
So I chose a book on nature
Another on Birds
And yet another on Bees
Then I noticed a book in the adult section
I hoped no would notice me
But something about men and women
Well when I saw the pictures
I was so shocked to see couples naked
In their birthday suits
It was like a puzzle book
And some pictures you couldn't quite work out
Until you turned the book up down and around
Suddenly the penny dropped
And finaly understood
My Mother was maid Marrion
And my Father
Robin
Hood
What shocked me the most
Was the fact they could see each other
In their birthday suits
showing all they had got
Their tablewear on display
The next page
No!
I don't belive that
My Mother and Father did that
Never ever!
And that was that
Really?
So I ran back home
With knowing I now knew more
It surprised me when I got home
He wasn't in his noies bed
But stood by the door
Smoking a cigarette
He was having a breath
Before he got back in bed
He said you are just old enough
No boy there's something I need to tell you
Before you go
Where you came from
And how it came about
You see son
There's something I need to teach you
About the Birds and the Bees
And it wan't about Bees in strippey jackets
And Bitd in colourful T shirts at all
When he finished telling me
I dropped to my knees
After all been through
I just had to laugh
But
Did my Father and Mother really
Do that?.
Copyright ©
Peter Dome
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