The Birds And The Bees

When I was a lad And still wet behind the ears Things often puzzled me And was too young to understand Like the saying the Birds And the Bees I thought in my little tiny mind Do they mean bees wear stripy jackets? And birds don't have them at all They just wear coloured T shirts Kinda thing The fact that birds can sing and call But bees can't sing at all They just buzz And sting Everything Still puzzled and no closer to what the Birds And the Bees ment I asked the Old Lady Who lived next door She said ask your Father She laughted so much She fell on the floor? I imagined myself as Columbo But did't have the knack Bresies I did'nt have a dirty Mac So I asked the teachers at school I stood up in the assembly room In gront of everyone I askef for answers But I never had onr I wonderd why they laughed I was embarrasd and felt Like a stupid foo My last resort Was to ask my slightly older blister And her boyfriend if he knew? He just turned red as a beetroot And my slightly older blister turned Red too Ask your Father everyone on the bus said I can't he's always with my Mother All day and night in their noisey bed And Sometimes So was uncle Fred I was getting nowhere So I decided to write to The Queen And what she put in her reply Shocked me it was so obscene I was had just started read And I hardly read what she had said I thought she mentioned divorce? But later I found out It was I n t e r c o u r s e So off I went to the local libiary To look the word up And what all this about 'The Birds and the Bees''? So I chose a book on nature Another on Birds And yet another on Bees Then I noticed a book in the adult section I hoped no would notice me But something about men and women Well when I saw the pictures I was so shocked to see couples naked In their birthday suits It was like a puzzle book And some pictures you couldn't quite work out Until you turned the book up down and around Suddenly the penny dropped And finaly understood My Mother was maid Marrion And my Father Robin Hood What shocked me the most Was the fact they could see each other In their birthday suits showing all they had got Their tablewear on display The next page No! I don't belive that My Mother and Father did that Never ever! And that was that Really? So I ran back home With knowing I now knew more It surprised me when I got home He wasn't in his noies bed But stood by the door Smoking a cigarette He was having a breath Before he got back in bed He said you are just old enough No boy there's something I need to tell you Before you go Where you came from And how it came about You see son There's something I need to teach you About the Birds and the Bees And it wan't about Bees in strippey jackets And Bitd in colourful T shirts at all When he finished telling me I dropped to my knees After all been through I just had to laugh But Did my Father and Mother really Do that?.